Selling my childhood. For a billion dollars.

Ok, I’m annoyed.

I’m ANGRY.

I’m a little enraged.

You might want to turn on the profanity filter and buckle up.

Today is the 30th of May, 2020. I’ve watched two things on TV today. One is “Space Force” on Netflix. Right as I finished watching the whole season, I popped open Facebook and saw it was time for the Space X launch of the first manned Falcon 9 mission.

Like every kid around my age, I wanted to be an astronaut growing up. I built model rockets. I had 3 foot high models of the Saturn V. I had dreams of going to Space Camp.

Yeah, Space Camp was a thing when I was a kid. It was several weeks during the summer where you would go to a camp complete with weightlessness simulations, flight simulators and I can only assume peeing in space suits while sleeping upside down. It was probably also the only reason anyone ever wanted to go to Alabama during the summer.

Clearly, I never made it.

Of course, I did get to go to the Kennedy Space Center. Over and over and over again. My Oma and Opa used to live in Merritt Island, Florida. Florida really wasn’t my thing. It was too hot. I didn’t really like the beach. The one great thing though, was standing in the back yard, looking across the Banana River and watching the rockets take off.

We’d turn on the TV in the back room. Follow along with the countdown. Then run out into the backyard.

You would see things first. An orange glow starting to poke up over the trees. Smoke trailing behind and billowing out to the sides. Then the sound would start. First as a low rumble. Then it would grow. Louder, and louder. Eventually you would FEEL the noize. (It was the 80s. Everyone was feeling the noize. Look it up.)

We’d stand out there in the rumble, day or night. Feeling the ground shake and watching as the trail disappeared beyond the clouds and the world would go still again as the astronauts broke free of the Earth’s grip and floated gracefully across the sky.

We watched satellite launches. Shuttle launches. Even the occasional “mystery” launches. Something was getting shot up into the sky. Who the hell knows what it was.

Jump to today, and start off with Space Force. Depending on who you ask, it’s a comedy. Maybe a Parody. Quite possibly a Documentary. Some of that biting satire hits a little close to home, doesn’t it, Coast Guard?

Now in Space Force POTUS wants to get “Boots on the moon by 2024.”

“Well, he said Boobs on the moon, but we’re pretty sure he meant Boots.”

Again with the art imitating life.

Now as a kid who wanted to be an Astronaut, I can get behind this! It’s been 50 years since man landed on the moon. There’s so much we can learn. So much to explore. So much to do.

Of course, one of those things is decidedly NOT to take petty Earth squabbles into Space. Arming astronauts isn’t something to explore or be proud of. Nor is taking off just to stroke Nationalistic pride.

The greatest achievements I watched growing up around space were things like the creation of the International Space Station. Cooperation across multinational organizations to advance Science. To work with each other. To learn from each other. To break the bounds of Earth’s Gravity and send HUMANITY out to see what’s beyond.

When I watched the Falcon 9 launch today, that is decidedly NOT what I saw.

Yes, this was an amazing feat of engineering. There is no argument there. Watching the launch stages separate and safely land on their platforms is an AMAZING feat of technology, that was total Science Fiction when I was growing up.

And for those brave astronauts, Bob and Doug… You hosers. Congratulations. I don’t know what happened to “Astronaut Neil Armstrong” or “Commander Buzz Aldrin” when it comes to commentary, so I do somewhat regret that I still need to go and look up your actual names, as I assume from the “America Rah Rah” chants everywhere in the broadcast that you aren’t our favorite Canadian Beer Swilling friends.

Fine. It was another dated joke. Look it up.

Either way, Bob and Doug, whoever you are, Congratulations. You are awesome.

Do I sound mad yet? No? Ok. Buckle the fuck up.

What in the hell was with all the “America! America! America!” commentary that started here?!?

“This was an American made rocket launched from American soil using American technology with American Astronauts going to outer America to establish a colony for America where Americans can go on vacation to ride America Mountain at Disneyland Space!”

Was that offensive? Yep. Where’s the international cooperation? Where’s the advancement of humanity? Where’s the god damn Conederate Flag painted on the side of the orange Rocketship while the astronauts slide in the windows that never close? (You know, after the one astronaut slides across the hood and falls hundreds of feet below to splatter on the launch pad…)

And did you all forget that Elon Musk, the founder of Space X is from South Africa?!? I don’t say that to disparage South Africa. I say that to recognize that this isn’t all “America”. This is a company founded by an immigrant who is now an American citizen. I’m cool with this bit of diversity.

Now where did I REALLY get pissed off?

The senior Nasa Administrator being interviewed at the end. I didn’t catch his name, which is probably a good thing because he angered me SO MUCH.

First, he starts his endless praise for the Narcissist who restarted this whole race for space. Boobs on the moon by 2024. And when the interviewer says that he’s only the third president to watch a launch from the Kennedy Space Center during his presidency, the Administrator interrupts with a little “Well, actually…” In fact, he’s the first President to watch a launch that was solely developed, created, manned by America blah blah blah. NASA, seriously? Do better! People from around the world DREAM about working for NASA. I know! I was one of them! I am pretty damn well sure that several of your launch crew came from other places, other backgrounds and all aspired to the same thing.

But that wasn’t the last straw.

What that administrator said…

The most OFFENSIVE piece of bullshit on that broadcast…

“Hopefully this launch will inspire people to live their dreams. To push themselves further. To become the next Elon Musk. Jeff Bezos. Richard Branson.”

WHAT. THE. FUCK?

NASA, have you sold your soul? What the fuck does the billionaire boy’s club have to do with going to space aside from the fact that those three have accumulated enough wealth through a broken capitalist system to enable them to privately fund escape pods for the rich to leave the planet when the rest of us are trapped down here fighting for scraps? (I still have mad respect for Richard Branson, but the other two … You can do better. Hell, Richard Branson can probably do better too, but at least he doesn’t outwardly exploit the hard work of minimum wage staffers or smoke weed, go on twitter rants and manipulate his own stock prices. I’m sure he’s no angel and someone will share details below.)

So the Billionaire Boys Club has bought Space from the Billionaire* President.

Yeah, that last shit needs an asterisk.

The NASA I knew as a kid is sadly all but dead now, because they have to rely on the billionaires for their private funding. And the only reason these billionaires exist to exploit the poor is because the governments of the world don’t make them PAY THEIR GOD DAMN TAXES.

You know why NASA doesn’t have funding? Because Jeff Bezos is a TRILLIONAIRE and doesn’t pay a god damn thing. Because his multi billion dollar company negotiates for tax breaks before they are willing to enter a city because they’re “creating jobs”. That’s all well and good, but you’re not creating jobs with a living wage! You’re not providing your workforce with the basic necessities to live! In fact, you’re negotiating for tax free real estate in population rich areas and literally making them unaffordable for the people that already live there! You want to tell me that the taxes that 50,000 minimum wage workers in a warehouse in NYC make up for the BILLIONS you try and skip out on?

WHAT THE FUCK?

If the Jeff Bezos, Elon Musks and Richard Bransons of the world were required to pay the same percentages as the rest of us working schlubs, we wouldn’t be looking for funding for NASA. We’d have it.

We wouldn’t be looking for funding for healthcare. We’d have it.

We wouldn’t be looking for funding for education. We’d have it.

So yeah, billionaires. I want Space back. I want hope for humanity back. I want hope for EQUALITY back.

Pay your fucking fair share to society. You’ll be fine. Maybe you’ll have one less private island. You’ll live. I believe it was Warren Buffett who said “No one ever decided to stop earning money for fear of moving up to the next tax bracket.”

You can still create jobs. You can still fund science. Hell, you can still be a billionaire for all I care, so long as you give back to society and pay your fair share.

I want my Space back. I want my dreams of being an astronaut back. I want children to aspire to be Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong. Aspire to be Madame Curie. George Washington Carver. Benjamin Franklin. Albert Einstein. Martin Luther King. The Wright Brothers. Jonas Salk. Nelson Mandela. Sally Ride. Malcolm X. Thomas Edison. Leonardo Da Vinci. Louis Pasteur. Nikola Tesla. Eli Whitney. Henry Ford. Alexander Graham Bell. Robert Goddard. Hedy Lamarr. James Watt.

Not C. Montgomery Burns. Don’t build WEALTH. Build SOCIETY.

Do better.

Eat the motherfucking rich.