How to Make Someone Hang Up On You

A True Story*

I picked up the phone absent-mindedly while going through my midday email cull.

“Hello?”

“Hey Chris, this is Sam! What’s going on?”

“Hi Sam. Not much. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I was thinking about you and thought we could meet up. I have an opportunity for you.”

Naturally, I was curious, but wanted to make sure a meeting was warranted, since I didn’t know him very well. So I asked him what he meant.

“Would you like to own your own business?”

“Yeah… that’s kind of what I’ve been doing,” I responded.

That’s when Sam started telling me about an Amway subsidiary.

For the next 5 minutes I let him give me his spiel, at times awkward and rambling, but always enthusiastic.

I could have hung up right then, but for some reason I didn’t.

I listened respectfully, despite my mind having been made up the instant I heard the company he was pitching for.

After Sam came up for air, I politely explained that I was not interested. For the next 10 minutes, I repeatedly explained why his idea of a business didn’t appeal to me. Despite my rebuffs, he kept trying to convince me.

While some folks might admire his persistence, the bottom line was simple:

He wasn’t listening to me.

He talked. And talked. And talked some more. There were no pauses, no moments of reflection, no questions for me.

He barreled along, as if he simply hoped to verbally brute force his way into convincing me of his points.

He was a hammer in search of a nail.

Of course, this tactic doesn’t work very often. That’s the funny thing about people: if people think you aren’t listening to them, the more inclined they are to tune you out. When one person stops listening to the other, what they are having stops being a dialogue and turns into a monologue. Sam viewed our interaction as a conversion opportunity, not an opportunity for a conversation.

I like how this article put the first rule of sales: “Keep your mouth shut and your ears open.” Sales is like an interview: if you’re the salesperson and you’re doing most of the talking, you’ve probably already lost.

We had lunched once before, and he had confided that he had been contemplating a different career direction. He had been looking for the next step in his journey, so I wasn’t surprised when he called. However, I was dismayed that he seemed to be unaware how tone deaf he came off.

I had to say something.

“Listen, can I tell you something?” Moments ticked by as I waited for Sam’s response.

“Yes, sure.”

Relieved, I began to tell him how I felt.

I told him my perception of his approach. I asked why he called me, mainly to see if he had researched my interests and qualified me as a lead before placing the call. He hadn’t.

I explained how I had listened patiently every time he used the same approach to overcome my objections, and how I felt he had not really listened to me. Finally, I told him how others might perceive him if he used the same approach, and how others might begin to distance themselves from him professionally because of his insensitivity, his tin ear, and his rambling tongue.

I’m glad I gave him a chance, but I’m also glad he finally started listening to me. He finally heard me.

Near the end of our conversation, Sam thanked me for being honest with him. Then we hung up.

I haven’t heard from Sam since, but I hope he is doing well.

*Names have been changed and the conversation truncated.