Fuck the dating rules
Play the field whatever way you want.
If you ask me about my dating life I will give you the straight answer. I have no shame in having a date every second night, or in meeting two guys in one day, and I fully support any woman who is playing the field and testing all the offerings. How else can you know what you want if you haven’t tried the full selection?
I downloaded Tinder about a month ago. Installing, deleting and then reinstalling again — I bet you know what I’m talking about. The second time I readjusted my expectations. Tinder was not a place where gentlemen were, rather it was a place for sex hungry men and women to hunt*.
That was until I met Jacob.
*(Don’t get me wrong I enjoy sex and I want to have sex. But at least put in some effort. Have a proper conversation before having expectations.)
Tinder conversations can be pretty standard. It’s the usual:
Tinder Guy: Hi
Tinder Guy: How are things
Me: Hey, hey
Me: What’s the story
Etc….zzzzzzz…..etc……..zzzzzzz
By the end of this conversations you might have a date, otherwise it’s on to the next fish.
And then the date comes along…….
Being perfectly honest, I haven’t been on many Tinder dates. But I can tell you one thing, the majority so far have ended with the question of “So……are we going back to your place or my place?” And then I make my excuse “I have work tomorrow”, “I’m on my period”.*
*(Making these excuses is pathetic really and requires a whole other article. Plus no judgement for people who sleep with the person on the first date.)
But with Jacob it was different.
We chatted over dinner. And chatted over drinks.
The whole time he didn’t once mention sex or try to make a move. He was respectful. Listening attentively rather than examining my body.
At the end of the night, we had our fun but not once did he push it. Not once did he make me feel uncomfortable. Not once did he ask my place or your place.
He was simply respectful of me.
And in the sad reality I didn’t really know how to respond to that.
Maybe he wasn’t into me because he wasn’t pushing for anything more? What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t he asking for sex?
As women and men we’ve become conditioned to think that if you like someone you have to push them. You have to push them for sex. You have to make your move.
But what Jacob showed me, was no, no you don’t. Truly liking someone is respecting them.
A true gentlemen will not push for more. He will simply respect the woman’s decision.
A true gentleman will treat his date like a queen. Whether he likes her or not.
Women, complain that men are sleazy, they only want sex, they aren’t interested in anything serious.
But perhaps that is because we have accepted these rules.
We do not question or demand that men treat us with respect.
We tear each other apart instead of focusing on creating new standards.
We wait around for him to text. We give him the power to decide.
Well listen up ladies, you need to demand that these Tinder boys become gentlemen.
Stop believing that after he buys you a drink you owe him something.
Stop believing that the only way a guy can show he likes you is by making some sleazy move.
Stop accepting these half ass booty calls.
Demand that you are treated with respect and not as an object of desire.
You need to demand that you are treated as a queen.
Take some personal responsibility.
Because unless you demand this of your Tinder baes, they’re never going to change their ways.
So speak up. Say what you want. Set YOUR EXPECTATIONS, and not society’s expectations.
And make sure to have safe fun while doing so ;)
