Cooking With Raitzeno: A Warning on Singles Awareness Day

Feb 14 · 2 min read

As we approach Valentine’s Day, it’s important to remember that cooking can be dangerous. I’m not just talking about making chocolate, though that has its own pitfalls. No, I’m talking about a much more serious and harmful trend I’ve been seeing in some of my circles.

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Not fit for human consumption. Or animal consumption. Really, what ARE they good for?

It’s come to my attention that some people are actually using Kraft Singles to make grilled cheese sandwiches, so I am joining the movement for Singles Awareness Day to ensure more people understand why this is such a hurtful mistake. While a grilled cheese sandwich is highly flexible in general, the one thing that is necessary is cheese — and that means actual cheese. The so-called American “cheese” barely counts at the best of times, and specifically these processed dairy products are not even worthy of being referred to as cheese.

My personal preference leans toward some combination of muenster, gouda, havarti, and pepper jack, often including pepperoni for that little extra non-cheese addition. But there’s plenty of other options! Provolone, mozzarella, swiss, and even cheddar will serve in a pinch. It’s also totally acceptable to combine sliced and shredded cheese, and in fact this can go a long way toward sandwich stability as it melts other cheeses (or meats!) together.

But Kraft Singles are an abomination. The fact that I, possibly the worst chef on the entire internet, won’t use them should be a gigantic red flag. Every time you make a grilled cheese with Kraft Singles, God kills a kitten. The Krampus of the cheese drawer must be stopped, and it’s up to each and every one of us to hold fast against the yellow menace. Please, spread the word of Singles Awareness Day, and save grilled cheese sandwiches for everybody.

…wait what do you mean that’s not what singles awareness day is about


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