Breeders of the Nephelym: Alpha

Boring pre-amble: Breeders of the Nephelym is in alpha and is subject to change yadda yadda yadda all reviews are subjective because of course they are yadda yadda yadda I’m coming at this from the point of view of a penised person but I have a vagina’d consultant and a healthy dose of empathy.

Where to even start with this one.

Some of the Steam reviews liken this game to Slime Rancher and while you will be collecting plenty of… slime, it isn’t anywhere near as wholesome or cute. The gist is that you run a breeding ranch for animal people called Nephelym and have to fulfill the requests of some awful characters, all in jiggly 3D.

Breeders of the Nephelym starts by sneakily letting you choose your difficulty level, you can be Female, Futa, or Male and as expected for a porn game on the internet, being a woman is the hardest difficulty. From what I’ve played its downright impossible to progress past a certain point as the big sewer slime needs a “fresh hot load” and unless you’re packing some trouser sausage, you can’t get the first keystone. And without that, you can’t unlock any of the Cockblock Gates. And you can see the sort of game this is already.

After choosing your difficulty level and messing with the slider bars for your young Dolly Parton its time to get info dumped and sexually harassed by a purple pervert. She explains a whole lot about the magical realm of Nephelym so I’m just going to rapid fire the most important aspects.

• Intelligent fantasy people like her are called Nephelym
• The ones you find wandering around naked in the forest are Wild Nephelym
• Wild Nephelym are about as intelligent as animals
• Wild Nephelym were made by demons fucking animals but the Goddess thought this was immoral so she banished the demons and fucked the animals herself creating these human-animal hybrids.
• There are bee people which means the Goddess fucked bees

• Pregnancy is just you summoning souls from the void. The swelling of the belly is just to show how close they are to coming through from the void.
• You’re the only human here and they find you hot.
• Her assistant Camilla will tell you more

I couldn’t find Camilla at first so ended up meeting everyone else in town, lets go through them:

The Reaper

The immediate question in any gamer’s mind, does this game have fall damage?

The answer, no. Unless you’re trying to fall into a gated off area in which case you “lose consciousness” and The Reaper rides your face.

She’s a woman of few words and, during our frustrating first hour, was the only person to have sex with us so suicide became the only reliable way to get laid.

Kybele

The titty-pony, I mean centaur, who guards the dragon lands. The only way to let her past is to breed her a wolf girl who has the hung trait. Traits are random and there’s no way to see what trait someone has until you catch them. A couple of hours of grinding and I still couldn’t find one so sadly no dragons.

Kybele herself is very rude and very vulgar, 2/10.

Amber-Mae

The thickest supposedly Irish accent you’ll find, this charming cow girl buys and sells milk. Beyond the incredibly questionable writing and design, probably the best character in the game.

You later get to catch wild versions of her and it is as unethical and creepy as you’d imagine.

Cassie

The architect, Cassie builds all the barns you need to catch animals. Her prices are fair but she is the most annoying creature. Someone, somewhere decided that internet porn should be dominated by cat-girls and futa so this Cheshire cat cosplayer was born and she says “meow” whenever she’s horny.

Emissary

You sacrifice Wild Nephelym to her but don’t worry the Goddess will love and care for them forever. This Digimon cult leader tells you the backstory of the world which I touched on in the quick fire section but its worth mentioning again.

The creation myth of Breeders of Nephelym is essentially:

• The Goddess got horny and masturbated the Seraphim into existence
• DEMONS
• Demons fucking an animal
• Wait, that’s immoral, banish the demons
• Make ~love~ to all the animals
• Summon a human to breed the best nephelym and sacrifice them to her eternal glory

I want to criticise it but it does actually get the weird inconsistent tone of mythology down quite well.

Camilla

This, I want to say goblin, is the saddest and most depressing creature in existence. She constantly goes on about how she’s small, fat, and stupid and that no-one would want to fuck her because she’s just a nugget.

Even worse than that is that she’s a “cum alchemist” and the work she flushes down the toilet has created a mega-slime. Now, if you’re still reading, I want you to take a step back and really think about this. One of the characters the game expects you to have sex with in order to progress the story is a slime girl. She guards a keystone which is needed to really get the game started. You have to have sex with her, twice, in order to put her to sleep and steal it. That slime girl proudly tells you she’s made of “old, cold cum” that Camilla flushed into the sewer you now stand in.

Turned on yet?

Gameplay

After you’ve spent enough time wandering around (and checked the wiki) you’ll find that you need to sleep to refill your lust. Sort of like Stardew Valley if Stardew Valley was full of horny sociopaths.

Once you’ve got your lust bar filled, its time to go catch Wild Nephelym.

And again playing as Female really is the hardest difficulty. The best way to attract potential mates is to… stand in the middle of the woods and wait to get surprise sexed. During which you have to rapid click to prevent yourself from climaxing first. Because this isn’t a race its a marathon and you’re gonna need to catch dozens of these furries.

After you’ve developed RSI its back to the farm to set up breeding, milking, and semen collection, most of which have their own little animation with some of the most hilarious fluid mechanics.

Semen and milk can be used to quickly catch wild nephelym which the game calls you boring for doing.

From here the game is essentially just mix and match. The request board would supposedly offer some incentive to try and breed certain mixes but for the entire time I played it never once offered a match I could even get the base Nephelym for.

After half an hour of just sleeping, breeding, and harvesting you’ll have enough to buy every barn and then its back to being unable to progress.

So, if you’re like me, you start up a new file as a futa, speedrun the start, have sex with the sewer slime, steal the keystone (which is its only friend in the world and leaves it crying forever), then blast through a couple zones because the game is much, much easier with a penis.

Heck, you can even surprise sex female nephelym if you have a penis though gifting them cum is a much easier and less injury inducing way of catching them. And I hope you’re as disgusted by that sentence as I am because

Though the vaguely World of Warcraft style landscapes and characters do make it fun to run around for the first ten minutes or so.

Quickfire Criticisms:

• Slavery is bad m’kay
• Sacrifice is bad no matter what the glowing lady says
• Weirdly specific volumes of semen and milk for some reason is hilarious and awful in ways I can’t really describe. But the phrase “you collected 91ml of foxen cum” will haunt my nightmares
• There’s a plant girl that lives on your farm that calls you “Mastah” and repeatedly asks for “fluidssss” and that’s not ok on many levels
• The jiggle physics go wild and terrifying on the cow people
• You can get furry females but not humany males
• Everyone has the same face with the occasional slider tweaked
• Gonna put another criticism in for that depressing heightist goblin
• Sometimes this erotic porn game looks more like your uncle’s Facebook photos of his husky.

Gameplay wise, Breeders of Nephelym is all about navigating menus and watching badly animated sex scenes, 2/10

Arousal wise, the occasional face or match-up at least got a rise, 4/10

You can even make your own Gamer Girl bath water!

Top Quotes:

• “Pregnancy isn’t what you think!”
• “Swelling of the belly represents the newborn’s progress toward development in the void”
• “My greatest weapon is my spear, the massive one between my legs!”
• “Who shall I cleanse of their grungy trait?”
• “Manage your demons”
• “Like we say here in Lycrea: SUGAR WALLS BEFORE BALLS”
• “This little leather tool belt can barely contain my butter stick!”
• “Wow human, you must have been desperate to give this little nugget your love.”

TL;DR Experience the fresh horror of being a Ditto in a daycare centre in this boring and sexist-by-design ranching sim.

Find it on Steam here: https://store.steampowered.com/app/1161770/Breeders_of_the_Nephelym_Alpha/