Chewing the Fat: On Body Positivity
Disclaimer One: This post focuses mostly on the experience of a plus-size woman who is white, cisgender/heterosexual, and American. I can only speak to my own experience with fat discrimination.
I am a fat woman. I accepted years ago that this was part of my identity and that with it would come both inner and outer shaming. The messages from society, the media, and my own family accrued, leading me to believe that I was unfeminine, meaning I was a girl or a woman without the right kind of body, who would never be able to have a body that would allow for desirability or success. Love, happiness, and personal fulfillment of the typical kind were out of the question for me (or so I thought). Born cisgender and heterosexual, I felt denied that which movies, songs, books, and mothers define as reality for daughters: pining boys, dainty dresses, looking good in a baggy sweatshirt. And of course, catching a man’s eye across a crowded room.
Disclaimer Two: That was an entire load of bullshit. We all know this, yes?
I grew up privileging a life of the mind and the imagination, retreating inside myself and ignoring my hair, clothes, and my physical self. I simply was. I read, I ate, and I lived as far away from my corporeal body as possible. Until one day I came to the realization that I could respect and love myself simply because I was a living being and I deserved it. After all, when I had a mangy dog I still loved her and found her beautiful. Why not extend the same feelings toward myself?
In my travels on the World Wide Web, I discovered others who had been through the same circumstances and gone far enough to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Jes Baker, known as The Militant Baker, was my first encounter with the body positivity movement. She is a body advocate, fat model, and author. Her most popular posts, written in 2013 and 2014 respectively, are “Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls…SO I WILL,” and “To The Guy Who Made a Fat Joke About Me to My Boyfriend.” These provided a view of a world I had never imagined: one where I could be respected as both a human being and desired as a woman, living a real life.
Baker discusses ubiquitous tummy rolls, the necessity of accepting compliments, the fact that fat bodies can be beautiful bodies, sexual confidence, and the existence of arm fat. The statement that struck me the hardest was “Wearing whatever you want is a political statement.” I have found that this becomes truer as time passes. The policing of women’s bodies around the world is an everyday occurrence and the shaming of fat girls and women who dare to be stylish, to wear something that the thin populace says belongs to them, is simultaneously a crime and a bold statement in the face of decades upon decades of shaming and fetishizing. My own body has been policed by various people, but it has always been hardest to ignore the foundational words of my mother: “Don’t wear stripes. No sleeveless shirts. You can’t wear what other girls can, no one wants to see your gross fat.”
I hear these things in my own mind; they grow fainter with time, but the echoes still exist. I fight them with tank tops. Lots and lots of tank tops. Baker could not be more correct when she discusses the decision to wear a particular skirt or a crop top as political. It is and shall ever be, until the fat body is no longer fetishized. Baker addresses the problems of this kind of fetishizing in her “Boyfriend” posting, discussing her anger at the shaming of men who find fat women attractive without fetishizing and objectifying them. It took me literal years to believe that a man could find me sexually attractive, not a circus freak-type novelty, but as a truly alluring female person. It can, does, and has happened, not just for me but also for others.
Jes Baker’s wisdom led me to other body positive discoveries, such as Virgie Tovar. Tovar is an author, activist, and one of the United States leading experts and lecturers on fat discrimination and body image. She holds a Master’s degree in Human Sexuality with a focus on intersections between body size, race and gender. Tovar has written for several news outlets, including The New Yorker and BuzzFeed.
The work that she’s done to promote fat visibility and respect is amazing. One of her BuzzFeed articles “45 Babes Sporting Badass Arms” is very political in nature, although it appears to be a fun and light-hearted post. Showing arm flab is a bold statement, especially when we consider how objectionable most people find it to be. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard something specifically about arm fat and jiggling, I could buy my own island and use it to make better plus-sized shorts.
Golda Poretsky, a public speaker and intuitive eating coach, founded Body Love Wellness in 2008. Her mission is to empower plus-sized women to live their best, most joyful lives, free of stress and shame over what they eat and what they weigh. Poretsky spread information about how harmful diets can be and that they actually cause people to gain more weight before all is said and done. Intuitive eating and relaxing about your weight, etc. allowed people to achieve the weight healthiest for them, as part of the Health at Every Size movement, part of the Fat Activism movement begun in the 1960s.
The Curvy Fashionista is a lifestyle site dedicated to plus-size fashion, news, and events. Founded in 2008 by Editor in Chic Marie Denee with the motto “Curvy.Confident.Chic,” TCF aims to maintain a techie vibe within the fashion/fat community. I’ve found their posts both feminist and fashionable and I enjoy seeing posts of clothes that I can actually wear. All my plus-size readers, male, female, and non-binary persons can relate to the real difficulty of shopping for clothes, shoes, and accessories both publicly and online, not just for lack of options, but because of ridiculous prices and public shaming. Think Julia Roberts trying to shop on Rodeo Drive, but turn her into a fatty instead of a slim sex worker.
There are several amazing Instagram accounts to name with regard to body positivity, outside of our main bloggers. I’ll start with Deliciously Stella who pokes fun at orthorexic IG posts, highlighting the pressure to always eat and post the “correct” and healthiest foods. This Stella makes tongue-in-cheek posts about candy and other “bad” foods that we’re supposed to avoid.
@Gnightirene creates beautiful fat mermaids that include women of color and women of size in the mermaid trend. I like to describe this as the ultimate feminizing of a trend wherein mermaids are seen as these magical, fun, sexy beings. Now I can imagine being a mermaid right along with the tiny people who’ve always managed to fit right into their clam brassiere. Facetiousness aside, this kind of art is so important that I can’t express it enough. Visibility for people of size and of color, especially depictions that are positive or constructive, is few and far between the images of what Western society wants us to think we’d like to be.
@gnightirene draws interpretations of mermaids of color, of various races and ethnicities, as well as mermen.
Even with the use of experimental skin and hair colors, this artist portrays large bodies both realistically and beautifully. The creases, the folds, the lay of breasts and arms, are glorious studies of the fat and fantastic body. The mermaid theme allows both artist and viewer to remove the limits of what bodies can do or what bodies are.
Below is a portrait of mermaids portraying the maid/mother/crone trio:
These mermaids were featured on Makers: the largest video collection of women’s stories. Launched in 2012, Makers focuses on broadcast documentaries, web and mobile-first content, and live events. Using the hashtag #SquishieFishies, they discuss the substantial impact of these mermaids on the body positivity movement.
Engaging in magical thinking is a natural coping mechanism to combat the kind of negativity that follows people of size through their lives, beginning and intensifying in childhood. @gnightirene’s art is a way for this kind of magical, or fantastic, thinking to continue; she even reimagines popular characters as people (or mermaids) of size. Case in point: Lydia Deetz.
There is now so much available to people of size, including literature, art, and most importantly, visibility. Before I found the body positive community, I had never seen a large woman wear a tight dress. I had never seen someone with fat arms in a tank top. I had no idea that I had the freedom to exercise my self through clothing the way “normal” people did, until I found that “normal” is a truly relative concept.
