Four panels: 1. The Title Page in written script, 2. A view of Tony at a diagonal above a mirror. He says, “What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see your own reflection? Or just empty glass? 3. Two Tonys looking at one another, the one on the left says, “I always thought I saw what was my own reflection. I thought I saw all of me. And then between the final two panels: But I’m beginning to think that I have never really seen myself at all. Yes, a figure moves in response to my presence… 4. Half of Tony, facing front, the other half lines in a half circle. On the top left, the words: but if you ever only see half yourself, have you ever really seen yourself at all?
1. A hand above a cracked mirror. The text on the upper left: But what’s to blame for such an ailment, and what have I really said? What half of me is missing, and why contemplate such thoughts? In short, it’s a crisis of identity brought about by the realization that I perceive and understand myself through the construct of whiteness. 2. Tony from head to bust, the left diagonal of his head sliced off just next to the rest of him. Text on the upper left: Though I am a Palestinian American, with more genetic information about my Syrian* heritage than any other ethnicity, in my family tree… 3. Just below the prior panel, Tony fragmented with the front of his face, his left arm, and his legs unevenly cut off and floating in the frame with lined shapes around him. Text on the upper left: Due to a myriad of factors, not the least of which is the color of my skin, I am still perceived and perceive myself through the lens of whiteness. Just below the panel, the footnote: *My great grandparents on my mother’s side immigrated from Syria to Palestine where my grandparents and mother grew up. This is why I identify as Palestinian as my lived experience relates to Palestine rather than Syria. 4. The panel is divided into five even rectangles. The first rectangle is text: Clearly, I’m talking about whiteness as a social mechanism not just as the color of my skin. I’m also only talking about whiteness within the context of myself, and though this is part of a personal interrogation, I do believe that there are people who will be able to relate to my lived experience. (personal is italicized) The middle three panels show the back of Tony surrounded by Mondrian-like patterns. The final panel is text: As I continue, please keep all that context in mind. We must remember that racist constructs are flexible and how they shape my life will be different than how they shape your life. At the end of the day, I simply hope that by reflecting on my place in the world and by sharing it with you we can all come to a better understanding of one another.
1. This panel is divided into two, the top half the size of the bottom. Tony faces a topographical form in black and white. The speech bubble: Now, let me continue. Have you ever felt like a vampire? Because I have. The bottom shows a close up of Tony’s face with round sunglasses, his mouth open to reveal fangs. The text at the top: While the trope of the vampire having no relection is probably not the most exciting aspect of vampire lore, it is perhaps the most interesting one to me. The text at teh bottom: To not be able to see yourself because an outside force is dictating the very perception of yourself is both a fascinating and frightening idea. 2. A silhouette of Tony in black, in profile, his hand holding a circular design. The moon in the sky is a black crescent. The text on the top: But beyond that it also is an insightful idea. How does the person change when their perception is dictated by outside factors? Who do they become when they cannot see themselves? The text at the bottom: I suppose in the case of the vampire it’s quite a poetic image, cursed with the need for blood and the inability to go out into the daylight they are also also incapable of seeing the monsters they have become.
1. Two panels divided by a section of text. In the first, a jacket surrounded by lined patterns. The text at the top: So, what does all that have to do with whiteness? Really what I’m talking about is introspection or self-reflection. There are many reasons why self-reflection and introspective thinking are difficult for people. The text in the middle: However, for someone like myself who is racialized as white, while also having a non-white background, there is something else at play. Whiteness. Being racialized as white not only means I have white privilege to contend with, but also a serious barrier to perceiving my Arab heritage. The bottom panel shows an eye in a mishapen form with spoked lines coming out in diagonals surrounding it. The text at the bottom reads: Whiteness as a social mechanism is one that employs hateful and racist power dynamics, such as xenophobia, Islamophobia, and political rhetoric. 2. Two almost even panels. The top is one of text: These, however, are only some of the factors that distance me from my Palestinian heritage. Another thing I must consider is that any internalized racism I may have can take the form of self-loathing, and that is a hard pill to swallow. I say all this to simply try and express that whiteness is not a passive (italics) mechanism. It is an active (italics) one that continues to be a barrier to understanding my full self. Only when I confront this reality will I have a chance of seeing my true reflection in the mirror. The bottom panel centers a simple mirror, with Tony Patterson’s signature at the bottom right.
