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I was 18 when I started wearing hijab.
I’ve always found it interesting how different cultures and societies place alternative expectations on age milestones.
What does eighteen mean?
A modern western notion of being 18 would still be a period of nurturing, being slightly incapable and in need of protection from the dangers of the adult world. 18, to some people, is still a time of dependancy and innocence; not knowing enough about life to make bold decisions. Although to some extent I agree, I also stay firm on my belief that if you’re old enough to serve on a jury and depict a defendant’s entire future, you’re mature enough to make some pretty hard-core decisions about your own!
I also believe this societal view of me not being “fully developed” is what created so many fears and doubts in my mind when I started my hijab journey at this age.
Without delving too much into the past, life before hijab was quite the contrary to right now. I spent my entire childhood in a white-majority community, my whole high school experience meant being one of the only brown girls (let alone Muslims) in the year, and consequently pushing my ENTIRE identity aside to tightly squeeze into the crowd.
Finally leaving school and deciding to take a gap year was probably the healthiest times in my life. All my ‘friends’ were off to university so the area had some real ghost-town vibes! I started a new job out of my little town and there was a LOT more me-time taking place. Little did I know at the time, Allah was filtering so much out of my life, to sit back and think about my real purpose here.
I spend the first 17 years of my life unconsciously thinking my ultimate purpose was my social circle and the not-so-great habits that consisted of. For once in my life, I felt alone. Albeit overwhelming, that feeling of self-isolation from it all was beyond refreshing. And it was then that I realised there’s gotta be something else, something so much greater worth working for. Worth sacrificing for. Worth living for.
Just like when you meet someone, you start doing everything to make them happy, right? If your other half loves to climb mountains, chances are you’ll wave to them from the bottom! Jokes aside, when you are building relationships, you’re eager to do what pleases them which is the same approach we should adopt with Allah SWT. Wearing hijab was something that I knew would make my relationship with Allah that bit easier and the only barrier it would place was between me and enduring harm.
To think that all past habits, my past attitudes towards things and what I gave immense value to (such as social surroundings) is what I thought empowered me was the biggest misconception I lived through and waking up from it is one of the greatest gifts I have yet received.
My empowerment was now defined by being able to walk out the front door with my hijab and knowing that the same people I grew up with will have to understand THIS unapologetic version of me.
My courage was now defined by what I chose NOT to indulge in. And my happiness no longer resting in the hands of people’s opinions.
To me, liberation is walking this Earth gracefully with your beliefs held high.
We’re all still learning and a huge part of my blog is to willingly share that process. Just never think you’re too young or too old to acknowledge AND live by your ultimate purpose.
‘Peace be upon you for what you patiently endured. And Excellent is the final home.’ 13:24
WHAT WERE/IS YOUR BIGGEST FEARS WHEN IT COMES TO THE HIJAB? LET ME KNOW, I’D LOVE TO KNOW.
