The Beginners Guide For The Newest Hijabi In Town..
You first start with the..
The contemplation stage. – Where your heart is set on building this new relationship with hijab, but you haven’t quite ‘put your scarf where your hair is’ kinda stage. –
Isn’t this the stage where everyone tells you the SAME things? WHY you need to wear hijab/ the LONGER you wait the worse it is for you/ this WILL be the best thing to happen to you/ you REALLY need to take this seriously now.. let’s face it, none of this is wrong, per say. And I’m sure anyone reinstating these bold statements are doing it because they love you. They acknowledge what you’re going through and have hopes in helping you reach what you may feel is a ‘far away goal’.
But the thing is, if you’re at the contemplation stage, you ALREADY know all of this! You did the research, you spoke to every Hijabi you know, you felt the desire to go forth, and you see the beauty within it. So don’t stress too much about everyone else. Honestly.
I’m here to help you out with the things people DON’T want to tell you. Maybe because they don’t want to scare you off your journey before it’s even started or maybe they want to let you figure it out alone..
If that’s the case, I find it my absolute duty as an Internet Aunty to give you the heads up instead. I got you!
1. Don’t feel obliged to turn up to social events straight away. It can be daunting.
Okay so this one actually resonates so much with me personally. When I first started wearing hijab; the actual next day I had a huge family dinner to attend with like family in law’s and every uncle’s daughter’s best friend was going to be there. CBA. I was soooo anxious and told my mum straight that I’m just not doing it. Now what you might hear as a response is the “but this is who you are now, you need to start embracing it and put yourself out there like before”.
Nope. If you don’t feel comfortable and it’s too early, don’t worry about having to embrace anything straight away.
YES you’ve made this huge lifetime change, YES you eventually have to go out into the world HOWEVER it’s a complete change to your physical appearance. If people can’t understand that then give them some sort of analogy if you feel to explain yourself. If you’re skin was breaking out like crazy, every socialite’s invite is in the bin without a mere thought. WHY? Because you’re not used to looking like that, and exact same can apply with hijab.
Bear in mind, this was a huge change you made out of your love for Allah and for the betterment of your soul. If physically, you’re not feeling your best, stay at home for a bit and take in this change internally first before stepping out into the world. And REALLY come to terms with it all! No harm whatsoever.
I think I had ‘New Hijab Fever’ for about 6 days and isolated because of it (Yes, it’s a thing- ask anyone). You eventually find a way to make it your own and run with it.
2. Life may not miraculously fall into place immediately.
I find this statement so fascinating and I’ll explain. I myself am extremely guilty for this because as soon as I put my hijab on, I thought all my problems would disappear. I’m talking every problem I was having.. and based on my vulnerability, I probably even thought I’d have a loaded bank account, glowing skin and my hair would be as thick as life because I was “doing a good thing”. Nope, no, and my hair is still as thin as my patience.
Point being, once you begin your journey wearing hijab, yes you do feel a sense of maturity for sure, and that desire to build on your relationship with God 100%. However, if we held a lot of toxic traits within ourselves before hijab and are now carrying on these traits after (such as acting harshly towards others, holding grudges and acting unlawfully), we have to take a deeper look at where our internal struggles are coming from.
Although hijab is empowering and helps us fulfil our duty of modesty as Muslim women, we can’t expect it to take all our immediate problems away. Because doesn’t Allah say in the Quran;
‘Do people think that they will be let go merely by saying: “We believe,” and that they will not be tested’
I also hold the belief that being a better person from within and holding good character requires MORE attention and work. As we all know, the good we put out eventually finds it’s way back to us. Be kind alongside how you choose to now present yourself on the outside..
What IS amazing about choosing hijab is the sense of protection you feel. Wow. I did feel like a shield had been placed between me and harms way. Maybe it was to save me from a series of unfortunate events. Either way, a blessing no doubt.
3. Styling your outfits is a game level no-one prepares you for.
No honestly. This is a DAILY struggle for me. I was very much a jeans and T-shirt girl.. perhaps casual joggers with my basic tee tucked in kinda chick. But hijab is a game changer, obviously.
If you wear abaya like some of our beautiful sisters do (InshaAllah we all reach that point one day), then you are WINNING. The simplicity of hijab and abaya really does say a lot about our deen and how things have been designed to reduce complexities for us. Subhanallah.
Unfortunately, I chose the complicated life *sigh*. Being a new Hijabi, I still make use of the clothes I used to wear but find ways of altering them to make them modest and hijab-friendly, I guess?
Your brother or husband’s wardrobe will start to look awfully appealing to you (the amount of times I’ve been caught by my brother stealing oversized tops is not worth counting anymore).
Having to stick a cardi over everything is the new norm and the cami tops you were saving for Spring might start catching dust in your drawers. But nevertheless, this is a huge excuse for a MAJOR shopping spree and people around you won’t even mind funding it because after all, it’s all for a good cause! (Oh hey Dad..)
Jokes aside, HAVE FUN WITH IT. Make a day of it with your nearest and dearest. Go with your sisters and buy every scarf colour you could ever dream of and take inspo from those around you. As long as you feel comfortable with this new change, have as much fun with it as you possibly can.
This is the ‘new you’. And just like if it was new girl joining the class, she deserves some attention to avoid feeling neglected, a whole lotta love, and a heap of reassurance that everything is going to be just fine. Because guess what? It really is going to be fine.
4. You won’t know what scarf style suits you straight away and that’s okay!
It took such a looong time for me to master my preferred hijab style. You’ll need to play around a bit until you know what way best suits your face shape and how to wrap it.
Me being the square faced individual that I am, I had to learn to wrap my scarf in a way that makes my face shape more oval. I learnt to achieve this by covering more of the surrounding area of my face and pinching the top of my hijab up to create an elongated kinda look. It also hides my 3 layered chin. Absolute win/win, if I do say so myself.
Scarf materials I recommend depending on situations:
CHIFFON -> Best for occasions or evening dinners. The silky material adds to the more glamorous and classy sort of vibe. For a few hours, I’d say its pretty perfect and compliments any outfit. Can’t say I love it for every day use because it can be SUPER slippery and therefore frustrating if you’re trying to run around!
CRINKLE -> Do I even wear any other material?? My absolute go to. So easy to place on, doesn’t slip away and supports a very trendy attire. Perfect for casual and every day wear. Note, I would only second-guess wearing this material if it’s Summer.. It can get HAWT up in the crinkles. More of a winter wardrobe staple. Or ‘any season’ staple if you’re British.
JERSEY -> This one is also for the win. It’s a ‘chuck it on’ material. The light-weight element allows to it to be worn so easily and the stretchiness makes life so much more achievable. Perfect if you HATE sticking pins in your scarves or want to avoid fussing around with it every morning. Highly recommended for your Spring/Summer collection. Totally breathable.
COTTON -> My mum wears cotton, I’ve never actually worn it. *puts shades back on* Erm, I’ll get back to you on that review.
Major side note.. actually more like a main “pay attention to this” note: Don’t be knocked back by ‘bad hijab days’. It happens to the best of us.
5. Look after your hair. PLEASE.
Please. I am actually begging you to just look after your hair when starting to wear hijab.
HA. The absolute irony of me saying that when I think I have some bobby pins lost in my hair right now. That is disgusting I know, why did I even publicise that? Moving swiftly on, MAINTAIN THE MANE. So important to do so especially as a hijabi.
We spend the majority of our time with our hair shoved up in a bun, wrapped around a huge scrunchie, with a tight hat scraping back our hairline and all finished with a beautifully displayed scarf so no-one can see the detrimental balding taking place underneath.
Okay so you get it now. There is a whole lotta pulling and tugging going on to our precious, ‘already-thinning’ locks of hair…
Make regular use out of hair masks, leave-in oils and all that jazz and just put in more maintenance than maybe you would have done before.
Brush your hair frequently to avoid major knots caused by the scrunchies.
If you don’t like sleeping with your hair out like me, keep it in a nice loose plait to avoid breakage.
And if you do all these things anyways, just be more conscious as a hijabi because naturally we’ll neglect our hair until we look in the mirror at the end of the day and start deeping the patches. Ouch.
6. Don’t be afraid to confide in others. Chances are, they feel the same as you.
If you’re struggling to keep the hijab on and feel like its ‘just not me anymore’, take a mental step back and realign yourself with the reasons why you did it in the first place. You did it because of all that research making you realise the importance of it in Islam and to Allah SWT. You did it because of that girl that you saw with so much confidence wearing her hijab so effortlessly. You did it because something deep within you was telling you that this was the right decision to make. Don’t let go of that.
Talk to those around you who wear hijab and would understand what you’re feeling. The relief you’ll get as soon as you open up to your loved ones will surprise you beyond belief.
Your hijab is your super power that sets you aside from the rest. An empowerment only a few get to experience; and how beautiful is it that The Almighty chose that for you. 🖤
Anonymously,
Zara
