BE LIKE Michael

10-Super-Dooper Activities I Do Every Morning (With Bonus Material)

And why you should too

I awaken next to a flexible, happy, part-time ballerina with too many pillows who shaves her armpits expertly and leaves her lower legs bedside. Yup… daily! It’s a big part of my routine. Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

It’s good to have a morning routine, the more damaging the better. It makes the rest of the day go swimmingly.

1️⃣ Rise and lose-your-shine by waking up beside a person who’s younger, healthier, and happier than you are

Comparison and self loathing should rule your world. Best if you get an early start on it.

2️⃣ Lay there for a bit really feeling the pain

You do you, of course, but I take a top-down approach.

✔️ Headache… (check) Thought to self — probably a tumor that grew in the dark last night, like a fucking fungus.

✔️ Wry neck… Goes with my wry sense of humor AND contributes to my headache.

✔️ Sore shoulder… Note to self, no more helping little old ladies carry their groceries.

✔️ Chest bump… (Panic 😬, thinking it’s yet another tumor) But wait, there’s one just like it on the other side. Phew, just my miserable floppy tits.

✔️ Horrific lower abdominal pain AND another bump… (REALLY, another fucking tumor…