“I’m Dating a Black Man…Why do Black Women Still Hate Me?”
Lord Have Mercy, Some of Ya’ll Live With Some Kind of Audacity
That is the thesis of a very real comment I received on an article I wrote entitled “The Reason Black Women and White Women Can’t Get Along…Is Because White Women Won’t Shut The Fuck Up.”
Now, I started the entire article by saying:
“Let me preface this piece by saying I have a large group of white friends from all over the world who know precisely how to shut the fuck up. However, that being said, it was a process that we had to learn together.”
Now, I want you to read that last line a second time, and perhaps a third if you need to. “It was a process, that we had to learn, together.”
It didn’t happen over night. My white friends know fully that I am too much, most of the fucking time. I am too traumatized by white supremacy not to be over the top, however, I have also learned — from my white friends — when to tone it down.
In this particular comment I received there are so many undertones of vapid racism that I don’t know where to even start. I am going — I have decided — to start with the fact that the person who wrote the comment did not capitalize the b in Black.
And the reason for that is because they don’t see Black people as humans, and if they do, they don’t know how to show that they do. Let me show you the full comment for context, without edits:
“I really enjoyed your article! I am having the exact opposite problem. I found your article when I asked the question “why do black girls hate white girls?” I am currently dating a black man and I’m am getting so much animosity from black girls here in Savannah GA. I am staying in a hotel for a few weeks waiting to move into a house. The cleaning staff smile and say “yes ma’am “ when I ask them to clean my room and then they don’t do it! My room has only been cleaned twice in 2 weeks! Then when I go to the front desk, all of the black girls say “yes ma’am we’ll get your room cleaned today” and it STILL doesn’t get done!!! Even the assistant manager and the cleaning supervisor won’t even talk to me!!! The black men call me queen and help any way they can. But the black women just hate me!!! Why?
I love to sing karaoke and I always joke that I’m a black girl trapped in a white girls body. I sing Whitney Houston and other black artists in bars that are more than 50% black and I kill it! I’ve already a number of beautiful black women friends and I’ve only lived here a month so I know it’s not all black girls but WTF with so many sisters???”
First of all, Black women and girls do not hate white girls. We just don’t. Black women do not have the capacity to hate, the way that white people do, because we fight with love in everything that we do.
Secondly, capitalize the fucking b in Black. Period. Black people have been asking you to do that for generations and it’s fucking racist not to.
Thirdly, dating a Black person does not mean that you automatically get invited to the cookout sweetheart. You have to earn your place, and you are clearly not doing that.
If you can’t find a Black woman in the hotel to clean your room, find a white woman to do it, or buck up and do it yourself. You’re staying there for an extended period of time and you’re asking for more work from Black women who are already bone tired of having to serve white women, let alone women in the south whose ancestors did it for generations.
You are talking about generational rage. A white woman finally finds a Black man she deems worthy of spreading her legs for, and then wonders why the whole Black world isn’t applauding in celebration.
It might have something to do with the fact that there was a time when Black men were lynched for even looking at a white woman the wrong way, in the South, where you are currently residing and very clearly ignoring the history of the South for your own benefit because it fails to occur to you that your ignorance is part of the problem!
Jesus H. Christ. Who the fuck do some of y’all think you are? Do you think because you deign to fuck a Black man you suddenly should be treated like a Queen? You aren’t a Queen. You’re a woman. Just like every other average white woman out there who thinks she's better than the rest of us Black women because she nailed the Black men who didn’t want us.
Do you understand how many Black girls and women grew up with abusive Black men treating them like shit, only to turn around and give white women all that we have ever asked for?
Time and time again Black girls and women find ways to find joy, happiness, and love within themselves, and then they have white women who are so stuck on the fact that we don’t like them, that they can’t possibly consider the trauma we’ve faced at the hands of white women.
It’s not fucking about you bitch. It was never about you, it’s about what your proximity to whiteness means, it’s about the fact that you genuinely believe that because you have a great singing voice, you are a Black girl in a white woman’s body. That’s so fucking gross.
I grew up wishing I was a white girl because all my abusers told me if I was white, I wouldn’t be getting abused. All I wanted was to have pale skin, I hated myself for decades because I wasn’t light enough, or because I was too dark because I was never fucking enough for any fucking body.
Now you come in with this racist shit and you honestly think it’s a fucking compliment to lower your standards to dating Black men just so you can have Sista’s, I mean this with my full fucking chest.
Black women will never call white women sista. It’s not a word for you. It’s reserved for those who look like us, live like us, and understand the challenges we go through every fucking day without having to have it explained.
Literally every essay I’ve ever written has been about racism, mental health and trauma, and you wonder, you genuinely wonder why I am so fucking angry still. It’s because while some of you are out there busting your ass doing the work, the rest of you are sitting on your ass wondering why you can’t get any love from people you stomp on.
Fuck all the way off.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall, The Original Loud Mouth Brown Girl
