New Version of Bing Blang Blaow (Dr. Seuss Style)

Gentlemen, here’s an new, hilarious version of Bing Blang Blaow. Enjoy!

Lyrics:

Sit down, pour a drink,
I’ve a story to tell
‘Bout a villain who plays
Heads-Up 50 NL.

I’d been crushing the game,
Had a big winning session.
Zigging and zagging
With guile and aggression.

Just fifteen more minutes
‘Fore hitting the sack,
When a new guy sat in,
With a full fifty stack.

We traded some pots
But then I flopped three threes.
A bet, raise and call
Just as fast as you please.

On the turn he snap-called
The huge bet that I made,
But then donk-shoved the river,
Which had brought the third spade.

I called and he showed down
A flush, seven-high,
And then raked in the chips.
Just keep chasing, thought I.

Then shrugged and reloaded -
I’m used to hard knocks.
But thats when these words
Popped up in the chat box:

MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
I JUST TOOK YOUR MONEY
I TOOK IT, AND HOW!

COULD HAVE USED IT FOR FOOD
BUT NOW I’VE GOT YOUR FIDDY!
THINK ILL CASH IT AND RUB-
RUB-RUB-RUB ON MY T1TTY!

My jaw hit the ground.
I bit off a retort.
No need to trade barbs
With this douchey poor sport.

I’d get it all back
Plus more with no guilt.
Takes more than one beat
To put this pro on tilt.

Didn’t have to wait long
Made a big overbet
But top pair no good
This time HE had the set.

MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
IT LOOKS LIKE I’VE FOUND
A PERSONAL CASH COW!

YOU THINK I’M A DONKEY,
YOU THINK I’M A NOOB.
BUT WITH TWO FIDDY DOLLARS,
I’VE GOT ONE FOR EACH BOOB!

Did he really say that?
Was this some kind of joke?
Thats one more full buy-in
To go up in smoke!

No worries, he’d find out
With whom hed been messin’.
Twas time to dig in,
Teach this A-hole a lesson!

I asked him to open
One more table or two.
Cant lose since hes playing
81 / 62!

In ten minutes things
Went from awful to worst
And another three buy-ins
Had followed the first.

Who was this fool,
This lunatic punk?
Was he cheating somehow?
Was he high? Was he drunk?

My suited Ace-Queen,
Got run down by Ace-Deuce.
Had to listen again
To his verbal abuse.

Gnashing my teeth,
I tried to ignore
The bile coming from
This delusional whore.

But my bluffs got picked off,
And my traps went unsprung.
Until finally I just
Could not hold my tongue.

So far I’d played nice,
Remained civil til now.
But I’d had quite enough
Of his dumb BING BLANG BLAOW!

You $%@#-sucking *&^#!
Your mothers a %@&!
I’ll find you — I’ll cut you
For your little stunt!

My fingers were shaking.
I typed out more curses.
But he only responded
With those juvenile verses:

MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE,
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
GOT ENOUGH OF YOUR DOUGH
FOR A HOOKER BY NOW!

REQUEST FOR THE CASH,
A QUICK TRIP TO THE BANK,
AND THEN I’LL BE BANGIN’
TANISHA THE SKANK!

My descent into madness
Then got out of hand.
By the time it was dawn
I’d lost more than a grand.

He finally quit,
And I staggered to bed.
But no sleep did I get
With that song in my head.

An entire months profits -
Flushed down the tube!
Or rather, got rubbed
On this maniac’s boob.

Let this be a lesson,
Dont play in a haze.
Control your emotions
And avoid the Ch3ckraise.