As A Magpie I’d Like To Apologise
As a magpie I’d like to apologise for the bullshit of my compatriots.
You’ve changed our lives a lot since you arrived, but there’s really no need for us to fly ourselves directly into your eyeballs. There’s still plenty of trees for us to set up shop, and it’s not like you’re scaling them to pluck our precious eggs for your breakfast. In fact I’ve never heard one story of a human doing so, but in spite of this, some of my fellows insist on raining hellfire upon your delicate face parts. It’s almost like they enjoy it. As an all-round-nice-bird, I want you to know that this behaviour doesn’t reflect the entirety of our clan, and many of us are happy to let you guys wander wherever you like in our luscious parklands without fear of being maimed.
The last thing I want is to be lumped in with a bunch of hooligans. Have you ever been misjudged by someone based on how you dress? The colour of your skin? It’s horrible and I want no part in it. I do my bit for the community. If a twig finds its way onto the pristine footpath in front of my home, I swoop down and get it out of there. If I see a gecko breaking into a security light, I make that lizard my breakfast. If I’m invited to a swoop party by a local thug, I ignore that shit.
You go to some serious lengths to deter my more hellish brothers and sisters, and I must admit I find this…
