November in Calcutta
The month of November brings with it an unusual chill in an otherwise sultry Calcutta weather. It tells us that the following month will be filled with glee, merry, family and everything else nice. Christmas in Calcutta is a very important occurrence, the Bengalis irrespective of their religious allegiances partake in the mirth with unprecedented verve and fervor. I believe it has something to do with the saying ‘baro mashe tero parbon’ (roughly translates to 13 festivals in 12 months, basically telling us that Bengalis celebrate every festival with equal candor).
As we wait for November to come, I think I am still trying to figure out why I am writing this. I believe that every story has a lesson and every story deserves to be told and heard. This one is about the importance to feel happy and the importance to feel included. Please don’t see this as a man who is caught up in his dream and fantasies but an attempt to reach out to someone he can’t see.
Last night before going to sleep, I was strumming on my sarod (an Indian classical musical instrument). I wasn’t really trying to play something but I was trying to express my thoughts by playing the instrument. What came about were some incoherent notes rambling in the form of a tune. To be honest that is exactly how I feel these days. But then again, I am not really here to talk about how I feel. I will do that maybe 20 years from now and I am certain it will make more sense then, if not money. Do you remember the time when you still had everything to look forward to? Every day was something new and that was probably because the innocence welcomed the unknown with an illogical euphoria. Take yourself back to those days — do you think anything in your life makes as much sense as it used to, apart from the weekends now?
We are generally a very insecure race. Some of us always find it extremely hard to open up to someone else and they are absolutely justified in doing so because it is hard to imagine the things that happen these days, to us or our dear ones. But to my amazement opening up isn’t the only thing we are afraid of, how this world perceives us is also a deep-rooted insecurity we have. The questions that we leave behind are ‘am I doing this correctly?’, ‘what are they going to think?’, ‘where am I going?’ What we fail to realize is this isn’t just us, but everyone else around us. However, we are still afraid or incapable to express all of this to anybody else and that just makes us one of each. One insecure individual. Perfectly lonely. The brightest star always gives rise to the blackest hole, don’t let that be your soul.
Now we come to the question, how much money is enough money and how much are we ready to lose ourselves to be rich. I have had this discussion with many of my friends and although I believe it is easier for me to ask this question ‘three cush law firm jobs’ after, but where do we draw the line of consciousness between mental happiness and financial satisfaction. The present-day world, especially India, has a trend of believing in acquired happiness. It is more often than not a reaction to someone else’s action.
‘He got a job, what am I doing?’
You need to get a job because you want to work.
‘He got a car, can I get one?’
Great you got a car. Take me on a drive sometime?
Make your decisions independent of anyone.
We are extremely privileged to have gotten wherever we are and that can’t be taken for granted. In addition to that, we need to respect our individual choices that have gotten us where we are. That is what makes us who we are. Don’t do something to save yourself from alienation. Do something to make yourself standout and be the beacon in a society. Do something that will get you somewhere you want to be. The life we live is short and eventful, to enjoy everything that life throws at us we need to be mentally satiated and permeable to change. No amount of money can buy that. For example, imagine yourself at a 9 pm movie show on a Sunday night (hit the spot, haven’t I?). Half way through the movie all you are thinking is the drudgery the day has to offer to you tomorrow. If you need counselling, there is no need to be ashamed of that. Visit a counselor, talk to your friends get your equilibrium back. Follow your dreams and don’t wait for the crumbs from someone else’s table. Mental happiness is secondary to none.
I took an extremely well — thought decision to give myself and in turn give my retired parents, 3 ‘billable’ months of my life and concentrate on the things I want to do without any external apprehensions affecting my resolve. It is well within our rights to decide and define the construct we live in. Let the construct define you and you are just a system, a program printing results.
Ask yourself the awkward questions and try answering them honestly. Are you happy? Do you like someone? Do you need this job? Are doing this just because you have nothing else to do?
If the answers you get aren’t in affirmative, the answers shouldn’t be repaired, they should be replaced.
‘This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!’
This being is too short, too short to be hung up on some unwanted resolve. Hung up on someone else’s estimations about you. If it has worked out for you this far, it will continue to do so.
The November afternoons in Calcutta can get really enchanting.
