For many, the holidays can serve as a chance for those living in different parts of the world to gather joyfully with loved ones. Large feasts with friends and family provide an opportunity to reflect on the year that’s passed. For many others, however, occasions such as Thanksgiving can be depressing and stressful.

For some this comes from the often gendered physical and emotional labor of the festivities themselves. (Who’s responsible for cooking and cleaning for a double-digit number of people?) For others, it’s the dread of confronting a parent who voted differently, or a racist uncle, or an aunt who won’t stop bringing attention to your weight gain. Whatever it is, it doesn’t feel good. Throw in the likely presence of alcohol, and an uncomfortable scenario can easily trigger a fight-or-flight response.

If you’re anticipating a difficult encounter, then try taking a few minutes now (or at some point before it happens) to reflect on your boundaries. Write them down. If your family’s receptive, talk to them beforehand about topics you’d rather they didn’t bring up, whether it’s an ex or your job. If they’re not receptive, maintaining perspective when the inevitable happens is key to not spiraling. Knowing your limits better prepares you to walk away from a confrontation or criticism that can linger and affect your mental health. Don’t hesitate to excuse yourself from the table for a brief period of time. Try not to run off in a huff. Explain what you’re doing and why, and then do it. Go outside and take a walk. Play with any children who happen to be running around. Pursue whatever non-harmful self-care looks like for you in that moment, and try to maintain a space in your heart for forgiveness should those around you apologize for their actions.

The holidays may never be entirely stress-free, but they can be more fulfilling by taking precautions, communicating when possible… and knowing yourself.