Image for post
Image for post

Trying to Drink the Anxy Away

Katie MacBride
Sep 28, 2016 · 2 min read

For much of my life, alcoholism and depression alternately masked and exacerbated each other.

I only drank because I was depressed, I would argue, or I was only depressed because of the consequences of my drinking. Jumping between these two narratives meant that I never had to stare at either issue for too long. It was an exhausting, ineffective balance but it was the only way I knew how to live. It was also very likely the way I was going to die.

Image for post
Image for post

In January of 2008, I was admitted to the emergency room with a 0.4 BAC, an often lethal blood alcohol content. When I sobered up, the hospital admitted me to the psych ward for suicidal behavior. Both alcoholism and depression were staring me in the face, but I was still only capable of addressing one. I hoped that by getting sober, my depression and my alcoholism would disappear. Instead, it simply left nothing for my depression to hide behind. At first I worried that perhaps I was doing sobriety incorrectly, that quitting booze was supposed to solve all of my problems. I wasn’t entirely wrong; it improved my life immeasurably.

It was harder to admit I was depressed than it was to admit I was an alcoholic. Being an addict in recovery was kind of badass thing, I thought. Being a person struggling with depression was just sad. Weak.

I’ve come to learn that neither of those things is true. That for me, alcoholism and depression are two different but fundamentally intertwined creatures. They are issues to be addressed, not things to hide. I am not alone in these challenges, though it can be hard to remember that. Both addiction and depression thrive on isolation and alienation. They blossom in the depths of loneliness. That’s why I believe in Anxy. I believe that sharing our struggles, our triumphs, our reality of being works-in-progress, is a necessary part of being human. In our collective vulnerability, we find connection and a path forward.

Image for post
Image for post

You can support Anxy Magazine on Kickstarter. Follow Anxy by signing up for our newsletter and following us on Medium, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Anxy Magazine

Smashing stigmas around mental health since 2017.

Medium is an open platform where 170 million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more

Follow the writers, publications, and topics that matter to you, and you’ll see them on your homepage and in your inbox. Explore

If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. It’s easy and free to post your thinking on any topic. Write on Medium

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store