When a man can’t win an argument against a woman…

She sounded a bit shaken when she came to me. Her daughter was with her. Their eyes were red and she was clueless where to start. It was shocking to learn a slanderous word from the kid and she asked for the meaning of it. She picked it up from her grandpa who used that word against her mom and her mom showed him her middle finger. The mom’s question was simple — Why men character assassinate women if they are questioned? They know about our character well. Why such false accusations and character slamming so easy for them?

Emily sat in her car, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, her heart pounding in her chest. She couldn’t believe what had just happened. All she did was ask a simple question, but her father-in-law had attacked her character, attempting to deflect from the truth. It was becoming clear to Emily that she had been living in a toxic environment for far too long.

For years, Emily had treated her father-in-law with the utmost respect. She admired his age and wisdom, even though she knew deep down that he had a dominant and chauvinistic personality. He often displayed narcissistic traits, but she had never questioned his credibility until now.

Her husband, Jason, had his own issues stemming from a troubled relationship with his father. He had suffered from a father-wound, and it seemed like he could never fully break free from their influence. Whenever there was a disagreement or family-related issue, he would take their side, leaving Emily feeling isolated and abandoned.

But today was different. In Jason’s absence, a family issue had arisen, one that involved Emily’s parenting style and how it impacted their children. Feeling frustrated, Emily lost control and pointed out that even the elders made parenting errors that still affected Jason. It was an attempt to show that she wasn’t alone in making mistakes.

Her father-in-law, unable to face the truth, lashed out. He made false accusations about Emily’s character, attacking her with venomous words. The weight of his words and the betrayal from her husband’s lack of support hit Emily like a ton of bricks.

Unable to bear the toxicity any longer, Emily and her children left the house immediately after the fight. She sent Jason a single message, explaining that his parents had played the victim and lied about her disrespecting them. She knew deep down that her children saw the truth, that their grandparents had been in the wrong.

Managing and surviving such toxicity was difficult for any woman, but Emily was determined not to allow it to define her. She knew she deserved better, and so did her children. She actively sought out therapy and support groups to navigate the emotional rollercoaster she found herself in.

With time, Emily grew stronger. She realized that she had been sacrificing her own happiness to maintain harmony within the family. But she couldn’t continue living that way. She began setting boundaries and standing up for herself, refusing to let anyone attack her character without consequence.

As for her relationship with Jason, it was a tumultuous journey. It took time for him to face his insecurities and acknowledge the toxicity he had subjected Emily to. But eventually, he saw the truth and chose to stand by her side, supporting her in her journey of healing and growth.

Emily’s story reminds us that sometimes, the most challenging battles we fight are against those we’ve considered family. But with strength and resilience, we can break free from toxic cycles, finding the love and respect we deserve.

It’s true that finding out that one is a narcissist and dealing with a dominating and narcissistic family member can be challenging, but it is possible to maintain respect and patience. What to do when you are around such a family member?

Set boundaries – Articulate! Communicate your boundaries and expectations to the family member clearly. Tell them loud what behavior you are not willing to tolerate and what consequences will follow if those boundaries are crossed. Be prepared for pushback, but don’t miss to enforce your boundaries.

Stay calm – When interacting with the family member, try your best to remain calm and composed. Avoid reacting impulsively or emotionally, as this may escalate the situation. Take deep breaths, stay grounded, and respond thoughtfully.

Know your self-worth – Focus on building your self-esteem and cultivating a strong sense of self. Remind yourself of your own value and worth. Don’t forget that your self-worth is not dependent on the opinion or treatment of others, including this family member.

Practice. Self-care – Prioritize self-care. Involve yourself in meaningful activities that keeps you happy and relaxed. Engage yourself in activities and hobbies that will keep you mindful. Interact with people who will understand and uplift you.

Seek help – Reach out to friends, other family members, or professionals who can provide emotional support and guidance. Talking to someone who understands your situation can help you gain perspective and learn coping strategies.

Be assertive – Stand up for yourself assertively without becoming aggressive or confrontational. Express your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and firmly, using statements that say what you think, and what you want to say centering your points and justification using ‘I’ to avoid blaming or attacking the person. Remember that you have a right to be treated with respect.

Limit contact if necessary – If the relationship becomes toxic and negatively impacts your well-being, it may be required to distance yourself from the family member. Protecting your mental health and happiness should be a priority.

Get help if required – If the situation becomes unbearable or you find it difficult to cope, consider seeking professional help from therapists, psychologists, or counselors specializing in family dynamics and narcissism. They can provide you with personalized strategies and support. Understand one thing clearly – you can’t change their behaviour, but you can take control of the way you respond.

Focus on your goals and passions – Emphasize your individuality and pursue your goals, dreams, and hobbies outside of the family dynamic. Cultivate activities and relationships that support your growth and provide fulfillment independent of the narcissistic member’s influence.

Stay safe – If the family member becomes too manipulative, toxic, or emotionally abusive, establish physical distance if possible, limit contact, or, in extreme cases, consider cutting off contact entirely to protect your self-worth and mental health.

Remember, dealing with narcissistic family members can be emotionally draining, and progress may be slow. Prioritize your well-being and surround yourself with supportive individuals who affirm your self-worth.

Moreover, it’s important to remember that maintaining respect and patience doesn’t mean accepting mistreatment or allowing boundaries to be crossed. It means finding a balance between assertiveness and self-care while striving to maintain your own values and integrity.

In addition to the above-discussed ways, make sure you detach yourself emotionally from reacting to their comments and accusations immediately. Stay resilient and stay calm. Know that you can’t expect a positive outcome from a negative situation. In simpler terms, ‘don’t give it a damn.’

Take care of your self. Good day! 💪🏽💖