Before One Plus One Equals One
On Being [a] Single [Pringle]
Being single has gathered a ton of bad press over the years and has managed to get worse with the advent of social media. With everyone finding love, showing off and getting celebrated, it can be difficult to enjoy being single, even when it is by choice.
Most people see being single as the phase right before marriage, where you are impatiently and sadly waiting to be booed up and married off.
The problem with this unfortunately false statement is that many people believe it and spend their prime waiting for a relationship, forgoing a relationship with themselves.
Disclaimer: This piece is unashamedly sprinkled with Bible references.
When you have been single for a while, society can make you think there is something wrong with you. Whether you are male or female, especially on this side of the world, you can expect to get the your mates are married speech every now and then. The questions begin to pour in. Am I unattractive? Is my past catching up with me? God, why? Is it my village people? Do I need to make more money? Do I need to earn less? Is it my village people?
We have been conditioned to judge success by relationship milestones and therefore, remaining single means you have failed.
I often hear it is not good to be alone tossed around a little too often. As with most things when it comes to humans, we enjoy saying things out of context. What we fail to remember was that when God said this to Adam, he not only had a relationship with God but also the awareness of self and purpose. He had wealth and wisdom and all he needed was a partner with a similar end goal to get him going because he was ALONE not lonely. He literally had no one who looked like him around him. This is why it baffles me to hear anyone compare Adam with an average single person. Sadly, this comparison pushes an average person to not only settle for anyone but stay in tawdry relationships where they become incredibly lonely although they are no longer “alone”. If you are in this boat or trying to jump out of it, you are, still, not alone.
Here are a couple of reasons to remain single for a little while longer:
Singleness is not a bad thing.
From my favourite Apostle, Paul (with the swag) to my favourite mixologist, Jesus of Nazareth, the world has been graced with amazing people who did not marry. Jesus died single for Christ’s sake! If singleness was a bad thing, I am sure they would have married before leaving this world.
Singleness is a stage where you focus on yourself — know who you are and love who you are. You can do the things you look forward to in a relationship. What does the state of your life revolve around? Should you die today, would you say you lived thoroughly as an individual and not a part of a unit? Did you spend the best part of your life trying to fit the bill for someone the internet has told you should be your type? The truth is we are born single, we will die single and whether we like to admit it or not, there is a need to remain single (i.e. your own person) even you are when married, should you decide to take the leap.
Your sole purpose is NOT to be tied to another individual.
We have conveniently forgotten that there is so much more to life than being in a relationship or being married. We spend a lot of the time we have to be single searching for a partner. When you are single, you have more time to focus on your purpose and devote more time to God and yourself. If you are still searching for your purpose, you have no reason to be obsessed with getting into a new relationship.
What you see on Social Media is not real.
Social media slanders singleness to sell their lies of perfection. It is the worst place to visit as a single person. With every turn, you encounter snippets of the perfect relationship with their 2.5 kids and after that, they begin peddling their new dating site. The truth beneath the happy smiles and breakfast in bed videos usually comes out years later with the story of domestic violence, a cheating partner or some sordid fetish that should never have been revealed. Everywhere you turn, to be single seems to be reserved for the lonely and forgotten but remember social media is not a place to measure real happiness and success because we only see the highlights of people’s lives.
You were created as a single individual.
The only person you are supposed to be truly rely and depend on is God. While it is nice to lean on your parents, siblings, family and partner you must never forget that you are an individual, a person — solely you. Many people who live dependent lives find it difficult to make decisions themselves and live mediocre lives. The truth is that most of the life-altering decisions we have to take are better taken when you’re single. Decisions about your career path, lifestyle and whether or not to be in a relationship are all choices you have to make on your own. These decisions form the foundation of the subsequent decisions you would make with your partner. If you end up making a horrid decision because “being single is the worst” you would live a life of loneliness and regret, so why don’t you enjoy building the foundation of all relationships which is individuality?
I am definitely in support of relationships, don’t get me wrong. I think they are necessary embellishments included to add more quality to one's life. However, they are additions, not the main dish. Maximizing your life to the fullest ensures that this dish is more than sufficient, with or without the add-ons. Can you say that what you bring to the table is rich? Don’t end up settling for anything because you want to settle down.
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