How Secure Are You?
On Handling Insecurities
No, this is not about your credit card details, email passwords, and whatnot. Those are important but this is about another form of security. Well, a lack of it. It is amazing that with the advancement of technology, we still have insecurity in many forms. However, we are focusing on a non-violent form of insecurity — the type that can’t be stopped with guns and advanced weapons.
Many of us are insecure about certain aspects of ourselves. It can be our looks, our sexuality, career, etc. In a country where mental health is not taken very seriously, these insecurities and the various forms they come are somewhat responsible for numerous failed relationships among young people these days, but instead, we blame our favourite villains like money and the internet.
Let’s talk about common insecurities and how they affect us. Although I am not an expert, I will suggest some solutions for people who may struggling with them. First of all, though, what does it mean to be insecure?
Insecurity — What exactly is it?
Being insecure as a person means that you are not confident about some of your qualities. For example, you might be insecure about how you look, talk or sound. This can lead to being very conscious in situations where these attributes would be displayed. Did you expect a professional/medical description? Well, this is not the place for that.
Away from the description, insecurity does more damage than just making you feel uncomfortable. It can make people take drastic actions. Imagine a guy who is insecure about his height seeing his partner talking to another guy who is blessed with height. The intruder may have no inkling but his life is in danger. The insecure partner will also never feel safe in that relationship and would constantly require his partner to remind him that they appreciate how he looks. Having an insecure partner can be very tedious to deal with.
That said, how about we explore common insecurities?
Common Insecurities
Looks
No prizes for guessing, this is very common. In a world where social media has given us access to see many people, it is easy to lose confidence in how they look. From Instagram to Snapchat, you see women with ample-sized breasts and backsides and they have doll faces and blue eyes, or guys with 10 packs when you thought the limit was six.
Not being confident in your looks typically leads to trust issues in relationships. You find it hard to believe that your partner fancies your looks and would always feel uncomfortable around those you think look better than you do. The effects of this are significant on not only your relationship, but also on yourself. If left unchecked, your social life in general may crumble, or worse still, you go from lack of confidence to hating yourself.
Intellect/Career
I struggled to find the right name for this but a lot of humans feel like failures. This feeling can be a burden in relationships, especially when their partners are successful. We have all seen those arguments on Twitter about what a man should do when his wife earns more than he does and stuff like that. Many people see this as a pride issue but more often than not, such things stem from insecurity on the part of one of the partners.
Another form of this happens when the insecure one is always worried that their partner would leave them for someone who is richer or more successful. It is easy to assume that this insecurity would be gone the moment the person in question becomes successful, but it rarely ever goes away.
How Bad is the Damage?
In our society, we underestimate how much damage insecurity can do and I am not talking about what is happening in the north. All over social media, we find a lot of people sharing their relationship experiences and dilemmas and you realize that a lot of these people are insecure and have now found a way to mask that insecurity.
One common way they do this is by blaming their partners and the society at large for not accepting who they are. That sounds complicated so let’s break it down. It is easy for someone who has been rejected a lot and is insecure about their looks to suddenly start to hate the opposite gender. They become the face of a gender war, meanwhile, all they really want is some attention from someone of the opposite sex.
The same can be said of those who encourage obesity. There is nothing wrong with being plus-sized if you are healthy and comfortable with who you are. It, however, becomes unhealthy when you are not comfortable with yourself and you are not healthy.
These are general damages. In relationships, insecurity breeds trust issues more often than not. You can’t trust your partner with Ngozi from across the street because you are worried that her bigger backside might be a problem. And what is a relationship without trust?
Insecurity makes you see your partner as an object rather than a person. Your partner becomes a thing or an entity that boosts your ego or confidence. They have to manage your feelings and you end up not connecting to them as equals or partners. It can also make you avoid conflicts and uncomfortable conversations as you do not want to upset your partner. And without effective communication, relationships crumble sooner or later.
What To Do
We focused on looks and intellect because they are very common. On a personal note, I struggled with these two forms of insecurity and it’s funny because I am very good-looking (I know this bit of information was unnecessary but…). Anyway, how did I deal with them? Well, I listened to Beyonce’s Flawless for one week straight and it changed my life. I’m kidding. I did listen to Flawless one too many times but that did not help.
While people experience many different forms of insecurity, each one comes with its nuances. There are common methods when dealing with insecurity, regardless of the form.
First, you need to find the cause of your insecurity. This goes a long way in helping you figure out how to deal with it. Sometimes, you end up realizing that you’ve been tripping all along. Then, you need to work on your self-esteem and stop overthinking things. He loves you, she cares for you, stop asking why. You also need to let go of negative past experiences. They have happened and they are gone so stop letting these memories get in the way of your relationship.
Finally, love yourself enough to correct or improve on yourself. Don’t wait for people to accept you as you are. I don’t mean conform to every societal demand, instead always make yourself a better version of you. A version you would be proud of. A version that won’t need to ask other people to make you feel better.
Conclusion
We need to teach people to be confident in themselves. Looking forward, we should look to build a society that discourages insecurity and preaches more self-love. If we can increase the number of mentally healthy people and relationships, it would be a vital step in building a better society.
And very important, self-love doesn’t mean we should bask in our bad traits or blame it on our zodiac signs. Yes, I am talking to you that thinks you are mean because your sign is Scorpio, that is not why Miriam.
We should love ourselves enough to want to be the best humans we can be for ourselves and our society at large.
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