I Wish I Knew…
What No One Told Me About Love
Many young people deal with significant anxiety about relationships but where I come from, people are not permitted to discuss their anxieties. It’s interpreted as a concession to defeat. Regardless, certain worries we have are quite understandable. I grew up confronting everything head-on with a mindset of fearlessness until I started a relationship. I had never travelled that road before.
People around me who were married or in a relationship portrayed their union as a flower in bloom and no one was willing to open up to me about the difficulties of being in a relationship. The warning signs, emotional commitments, insecurities, paranoia about a partner cheating, fears of abandonment, challenges in establishing trust, and uncertainty about starting a family, etc. were all kept under wraps.
My social environment presented me with a faulty romantic view. My early experiences with attachment issues and my fear of commitment pushed me to into a superficial relationship and made me unintentionally undermine the relationship. As such, my partner and I did not get along very well because of my fears. Since I was not even permitted to even imply that I had them, I could not reach out to anyone when I had no idea how to deal with my worries and paranoia and that wrecked the relationship.
What I Have Learnt (The Hard Way)
Don’t ignore warning signs (red flags). Avoid putting up with anything for which you cannot genuinely make allowances. Cautionary indications tend to denote manipulative or harmful behaviour.
There is such a thing as emotional abuse, don’t delude yourself. Physical abuse that is easier to identify and address but over time, abuse of the mind and emotions can be just as harmful. Your emotions are important, and you should not be around people who do not value them.
You do not owe anyone an Instagram-perfect relationship. You and your partner and you are the centre of your relationship. A third party’s view or criticism could be good externally but harmful internally. Should you decide to post pictures and details of your relationship, be certain that you are doing it for yourself, not the validation of strangers.
Not dealing with your fears may lead you to put your relationship to test by causing conflicts or suffocating your partner obsessively, both of which can seriously damage the relationship. Talk to someone you can trust and who has the necessary training and experience to help you and advise you about your worries.
Overcoming relationship fears is necessary for your romantic connections. It is also a terrific confidence builder. You will have yourself to thank when you do the work.
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