Kiss and Make Up: Yay or Nay?
If you Google “getting back with an ex,” you’re most likely going to be hit with an article that gives you 10 tips for reuniting with an ex and making it work. Even in media and pop culture, it’s not unheard of for couples — fictional or not — to kiss and make up. Maybe even over and over again (side eye to this particular celeb couple, but I shan’t be naming names for the possible, yet delusional, fear of a lawsuit. How much money do I have, please?)
For a more “down-to-earth” POV, I spoke with people who’ve broken up with their partners and gotten back with them: their experiences, any change(s) in the relationship dynamics and if they think reuniting is a good idea.
Lucy: we broke up again after we got back together. We were apart for 13 months after the first breakup. We were heartbroken and ended up seeing multiple people. I didn’t fall in love with anyone else and neither did he, but he was with so many other women. For one, when we dated the first time we were both virgins but by the time we got back together, we had already had sex with other people; him more than me. After we got back together, I noticed that we had become different people and the only thing we had in common was love. I think as long as you genuinely love them and want them back for the right reasons, then it is possible to get back with an ex-lover. For us, we expected it to be easier because we thought we knew each other already but that didn’t work out obviously. I would say, though, that sometimes, it might not be as easy as you expect it to be. It’s almost as if you have to treat them like you’re dating for the first time.
Faith: We broke up in August 2021 and got back together in February this year. During the period of separation, we both dated other people but figured out that we couldn’t stop thinking about each other. I live in London and he’s in Ireland. We’re still together now and going strong. I can say that the first time we were together, we were very naive. I grew up in a strict household — basically under house arrest and I could only see him once every few months for a few hours. Plus, there was COVID. We’d FaceTime all the time. Now that I’ve moved out and I am independent, I have my own life and I’m not depending on him for my happiness. We broke up because we were young and there was distance and other obstacles between us. We wanted to preserve the love we had for a later time rather than try it again and grow to hate each other because we never saw each other, et cetera. If he’d done something very hurtful to me, I wouldn’t have considered it. Getting back together depends on where you stand and what happened before.
Abdul: We were apart for about a year. We knew each other for about five months and dated for four before that. When we got back together, it was casual; still very romantic, but casual. When we were apart, she was with someone for about 6/7 months. I was single but got physically intimate with a few people… and was very consistent with a couple of them. We got talking again more consistently and realised we had become a bit more mature than when we first met. Funny how much things can change in a year. We also got to know each other better as friends. I think that’s why we got back together (apart from still being very much physically attracted to each other). We ended things in 2021, but we’re still friends and I think we’ll always be. The familiarity and deep connection with a lover never really goes away, at least in my experience, but of course, this also depends on the growth that happens and I’m only saying this because I rarely end relationships on very bad terms.
LC: We were apart for a few months, roughly 3/4 months at the beginning of 2020. Then we started talking again and didn’t start dating until last year. It’s way more complex and layered than I make it seem but that’s the summary. When we were apart, I got into a relationship in June 2020 and he was casually seeing some people at the time.
When we were initially together, we had no labels. We struggled with listening and communicating effectively. Simply put, it was a hot mess. The time apart helped us grow individually to a certain point. So after my former relationship ended in 2021, I gained clarity on what I wanted from romantic interests. I explored dating and sexual orientations. I think life is quite complex and if there are good reasons to get back with a former partner, then sure. It’s an individualistic decision.
“The familiarity and deep connection with a lover never really goes away, at least in my experience.”
Amar: We were apart for half a year or so. I saw other people sexually, but I wasn’t really serious with anyone. The reason we broke up was that he was shit at expressing emotions. I’m the kind of person that needs expression and reassurance and I just didn’t feel loved. So, he loved me enough to try and when we got back together, he really did make a difference. That’s why we’re still together now; he’s willing to try for me and so am I. It’s such a precious thing.
Different people break up for different reasons. If time has passed and some of those reasons have evolved or changed or maybe even priorities have changed or people have matured, I don’t see anything wrong with getting back with an ex. Moral lesson is: don’t settle, bae!
Ola: We were apart for two weeks. His friends interceded on his behalf because I wasn’t speaking to him at all. I started talking to someone else when we broke up. It was like this other person had been waiting for him to mess up and just swooped in. Oh, and his friends that interceded are also my friends. We already had mutual friends before dating. I was mistrusting and withheld a lot. I am very protective of myself so when someone hurts me, I just shut that person out. Before we broke up for two weeks, we had taken a “break” before. This entire relationship was a while back and we’ve been fully broken up since like 2021.
I think it’s possible to reunite with an ex. My case was just too far gone and we weren’t making any headway. It was simply healthier for it to end. However, it depends on what this ex has done.
Anne: We were apart for about four months and we dated other people in between. We’re currently not together; we broke up a while ago. According to him, he was very depressed after the first break up, which was his fault but whatever. He asked to get back that time but I didn’t want to. Then I realised later that I still think about him too much might as well just get back. He was scared to connect with me emotionally again to avoid getting hurt again, incase there was another break up. It was just weird. The first time we were really close and we talked about everything, but the second time you could literally feel that there was too much holding back involved. If you feel like the break up left one of you guys shattered and depressed, don’t get back.
Gen: We were apart for about a year and we both saw people within that period. We were more mature and in tune with each other after the break, and definitely realised we were perfect for each other. It really depends on the reason for the breakup. For us, it was an amicable breakup that I suggested. The whole emotion was very new to me and I chickened out, because I struggled to allow myself to be loved properly. He was patient enough with me till we got back together and now I’m able to maintain a healthy relationship with him without those thoughts clouding my mind so often. In a case where one or both of the couple need to work things out before they can commit, then yes it’s reasonable, but for clearly toxic situations, then no. It really depends on the reason for the breakup.
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