The Other Side of Japa
On Maintaining Friendships With Friends Who Have Relocated
With the state of the economy, amidst other issues in the country, we have a lot more people leaving at the same time than ever before. Thanks to bad boy Bubu, the green on our flag has become an indication to take flight like the eagle on our coat of arms.
While some who can afford it are relocating completely, others are going to school and looking for jobs abroad, leaving the rest of us like a bird without its flock — lost and alone.
Japa: a Nigerian word from the Yoruba ethnic group meaning to flee.
I have personally ‘lost’ two of my closest friends to this japa movement this year. They are pretty important to me so while I understand their need to leave, I can not help but wonder what would happen if distance does not make the heart grow fonder.
With differences in time zones and schedule, power and weather, it can be difficult to keep up with friendships when you are trying hard to simply survive. However, when something or someone is important to you, you have to prioritize and sacrifice for it. So if you are like me, on the not-so-great side of japa, here are 5 ways to maintain your friendships:
1. Schedule time to talk or have dates.
It will not be business as usual and you have to understand this. Be accommodating and accepting of the changes that will come. It is a new environment for them and they have to adjust to certain things and that could affect the dynamics of the relationship. Embrace these changes and try to make them work.
2. Schedule time to talk or have dates.
This might sound a bit much but there is nothing that says commitment like scheduling time to talk. Choose a time that works for you and your friend(s) to catch up on all that has been going on without interruption. Treat this as seriously as a business meeting involving hundreds of thousands of dollars because that's how much you value your friendship. Talk about the little things as well as the big ones. No information is useless.
3. Find a special way to communicate.
This should be something you both like and would be between you both. It could be pictures at specific times or sending memes only. Sending emails or even handwritten letters. Develop a new language or maybe even communicate in lyrics of 80's songs.
4. Do things together even though you are apart.
Distance does not have to be a barrier to doing things together. You can go on movie dates, food dates, paint and sip dates, karaoke, reading dates, prayer walks, gym dates or whatever event you want to do simultaneously. Start a podcast, a blog or a publication together. Does this take planning and extreme coordination? Yes. Would it be worth it? Absolutely!
5. Send pictures — old and new, mostly unprovoked.
If a picture is worth a thousand words, imagine sending ten pictures a day. While old pictures would evoke memories of things and times shared, new pictures would make you feel involved in your friend's life. Send selfies, pictures of lunch, the new crush, new friends, outfit of the day, a new signpost, old shoes, a stray dog, a rainbow, or anything at all.
Having friends in different parts of the world is always a great thing. People almost always do great things when they leave the comfort of their homeland. It could also mean you have a direct link to different parts of the world should you want to travel around.
It takes effort to maintain relationships in the same space and long-distance ones aren't any different. Try your hardest to keep in touch, while developing other friendships.
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