Where Do We Draw The Line?
Entitlement in Relationships
As humans, it is very easy and maybe even natural to be selfish and care less about the impact of our actions on other people. Every one of us has a bit of entitlement in us, though to a varying degree, and whether or not we admit it doesn’t make it go away. So, where do we draw the line between love and being entitled? At what point does this shift occur?
Having a sense of entitlement to someone’s time and resources simply because we love them or they love us is selfish and definitely no way to live. This is not to absolve us or the people in our lives of the responsibilities of committed relationships and friendships. There must be a balance, if the relationship is to be preserved. It is important to realize that people do not live for you.
At one time or another, we’ve all had that friend, colleague, siblings who made a decision that would be great for them, but not necessarily good for us. When someone’s decision does not serve us or we are not satisfied with it and instead of supporting them, we try to find our way to convince them to change their decision to suit us, that’s entitlement.
Respect is an essential part of love and relationships. We have to learn to respect and honor our people’s decisions, whether or not we understand it. You can offer unbiased advice, where necessary but don’t push it. Love, though, a four-letter word, carries so much weight and requires intentionality.
On the flip side, are you the champion of making other people feel entitled to you, your time and resources? Learn to say no and create boundaries today. This is not to say you should not give to your people and be available to them, it is about knowing where to draw the line because some people don’t know when to stop. Avoid certain conversations and situations, if need be. It costs a lot (not necessarily financially) to constantly show up for people. When you’re always a yes person, it is easy to set yourself up for something you may not be able to handle. Learn to look out for yourself.
You can’t pour from an empty cup — Unknown
Everyday, we meet people from different backgrounds, with different perspectives to life. When you meet someone for the first time, you barely know anything about them. As you get talking, you identify common interests and become acquintances with this person who was once a stranger. With time and frequent communication, it can evolve into a friendship where you are somewhat intertwined, you know each other well and can influence the other person’s decisions, you grow with them and they become a huge part of your life. However, not every stranger makes it all the way to the level of a bosom friend. Personally, I don’t trust people easily so it take me some time (and some effort) to move people up my friendship ladder.
This point here is that the people in our lives fall into different categories, based on our discretion and it is crucial to relate with them accordingly. Trust is the bedrock of any relationship and it is up to us to decipher what information you can trust each person with. People usually act or respond based on the information available to them and for them to feel entitled to you and your resources, you’ve probably communicated to them, one way or another, that they have a right to.
“People who are given whatever they want soon develop a sense of entitlement and rapidly lose their sense of proportion.” — Sarah Churchwell
If you are still here, my final words to you is to practice saying “no” especially when you are most likely at a disadvantage by saying yes. That way, you are subtly creating boundaries that could go a long way in controlling people’s sense of entitlement to you and your resources. The truth is, it will never go away, but you can manage it and live your best life.
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