Why Haven’t You Found Your Person?
On Challenges with Dating
Finding your person can be an odyssey. There is a myriad of reasons for people not finding someone they are compatible with. Why haven’t I found the right person? has been a question for ages.
Today, we’re focusing on [single] men. Curious to know why they are still on the path to finding their own person, I asked some of them why they think they have not found the right person for them and compiled their responses.
David: Committing to a relationship that may not go far is one reason. I mean, I could enjoy it while it’s there but having it at the back of my mind that it probably won’t go anywhere holds me back. Situationships are always messy, I’d know. Another thing is the fear of cheating. I know most people are scared of this but, omo, I can’t stand it or tolerate it at all.
Ibukun: After my first relationship did not go well, I think I started to sabotage my romantic relationships or rather talking stages. It’s like I get caught up in this web of negative reinforcing self-esteem. I did not even know this until someone pointed it out. I also realized that I did not seem to be able to control it. It just happens. whenever I’m getting into something with someone, I just pull out because of the fear of not wanting to be knee-deep in the relationship then the person abandons me. I run before they think of leaving so that way, everyone ends up fine.
Ose: first of all, I don’t think I am very attractive. For instance, in a room full of men, a woman could walk in and walk out without noticing I am there. It’s the same reason I usually don’t approach women. When I get to talk to someone, though, the challenge that arises is communication. I think that is because not many people understand me, and you can’t exactly date someone who does not understand you. In reality, not many people understand each other so there’s that. I also have some insecurities and slight trust issues that stem from previous relationships. There’s also the part of not really having a lot of money. It is a lot of things, to be honest.
Jake: I am not particularly religious, so people who are very enthusiastic and want to shove it down your throat put me off and such people exist in droves in Nigeria. Secondly, I have a rather high libido and finding someone who is compatible has been quite the hassle. Also, I am still somewhat traumatized from my last relationship so I am keeping to myself for now.
Nate: About 10 months ago, I was sure I wanted to marry someone but I guess uncertainty made her call it quits. Now, I really can’t bring out those romantic feelings I used to have. It is also bad timing for relationships because there is so much is going on in my life. I’d like to be a bit more emotionally and financially stable before I date someone else because right now, I don’t think I can handle being with someone and getting my heart broken.
Dee: I believe vulnerability is very important in relationships. You need to be able to trust someone to be comfortable being vulnerable with them. I, unfortunately, have not met that person yet. I have tried with people but most of the time, I see reasons why I wouldn’t want to pursue a relationship with them. Hopefully, some time soon.
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