You Leave Me No Choice
10 Reasons to Leave a Relationship
Being in a relationship is like being in a cute little box; your view is limited to the scenery within its four corners. Sometimes, it takes the bird-eye view of an outsider to let you know what is or isn’t missing. As a die-hard romantic, I understand the reluctance to let go of memories and fantasies of your partner being your forever person. With countless hours and memories you have shared, saying goodbye to someone you love might sometimes not look like an option. However, if you are in doubt as to whether you should remain in your relationship or even take it a step further, these are 10 reasons that could help you make a decision.
There is absolutely nothing selfish about wanting your needs to be met.
Your partner isn’t meeting your needs. Before we enter a relationship, we all have expectations of the roles our partners would fill. This largely depends on the stage we are in life, previous traumas, if any and personal preferences. You may want a partner who listens more or one who talks a lot, a partner who is big on quality time or one that can’t do without some form of touch when you're in the same space. We all want someone that knows how to love us the way we need and want to be loved.
In a good relationship, one of the couple’s focuses should be satisfying each other’s emotional needs. If this isn’t happening and you have communicated this to your partner several times without change, it is very easy to begin to resent your partner and feel unsatisfied with your relationship. When your needs are not met and you feel misunderstood, it can be difficult to stay together. You have the right to pull the plug on the relationship that makes you feel incomplete and resentful no matter what people say. There is absolutely nothing selfish about wanting your needs to be met.
You have drifted apart. Drifted not “drifting”, this implies that there is no excitement and there seems to be a finality to it. Drifting from your partner might seem normal when you confuse waning passion for loss of affection. However, it is not normal to find it tiresome to share affection, information, time or even a meal with your partner, especially if this is something you both enjoyed doing. If you have picked up on this feeling of reluctance, try to reconnect with your partner and make efforts to fix the drift before you are too far apart. However, if after trying to reconnect with your partner, you find it difficult to relate with each other, you should consider calling it quits. The rest of your life is longer than you think and being in a relationship with someone you barely see or talk to is not a proper relationship.
You are not into your partner. Be it physical or emotional attraction, if the thought of your partner does not fill you with peace, make you giddy or excited for the future and spread a warm sensation down your spine, you may need to ask yourself why you are still in the relationship. Don’t let anyone tell you attraction or love will come later; it’s a gamble that may not be in your favour. While physical attraction might not be the most important thing, it is still important to be with someone you are drawn to. I can guarantee that you will cheat on your partner if you’re not into them.
There is a thin line between love and hate and crossing it might be a shorter journey than you imagine.
You can’t trust your partner. Trust is more valuable than love in every relationship. You simply can’t love someone you do not trust. We may tell the occasional lie to spare our partners’ feelings (I definitely do not endorse this, even if she looks fat in the dress) but when you begin to doubt your partner’s every move of the things they say, there is a serious need to assess the relationship. There is a thin line between love and hate and crossing it might be a shorter journey than you imagine when you no longer trust your partner. Whether you are insecure because your partner has a *** history or as a result of your previous partners being untrustworthy, you need need to leave a relationship where there is no trust. Also, if your partner is a cheat, who like a cheetah, will never change their spots, you need to run. Fast! Infidelity in relationships is the quickest way to break trust…and get STDs.
You have lost your sense of self. Losing what makes you, YOU, is tragic. Before the relationship, you certainly had an identity, your goals and purpose clearly outlined. Now everything is we and our and you no longer know who you are. While romantic relationships are sometimes sustained by sacrifices, you should never sacrifice yourself for a relationship to work. Any relationship that causes you to lose your family, close friendships, confidence, self-esteem, purpose or happiness needs to go. If your relationship does not seem to have room for your development, it’s time to move. You are not a tree.
You have an abusive partner. This reason is life-threatening and should never be negotiated. Abuse is described by Wikipedia as the improper usage or treatment of a thing, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. It could be in the form of physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, assault, violation, rape, unjust practices, crimes or other types of aggression. If your partner abuses you or themselves in any way, or lacks self-control, you should leave immediately. Do not let there be a repeat occurrence. If you are in a physically abusive relationship, inform the appropriate authorities and contact a professional for your mental health. You deserve better.
Your partner does not want to commit. Some people find themselves with feelings for people who still want to see other people while seeing them. It is possible to love a person and not be ready to commit to them, but it is also unfair to expect that person to remain in a relationship without commitment. If your partner is reluctant to commit and you can no longer wait, please move on. While commitment is a big step, it is one you should not take alone in a relationship. Doing that opens you to hurt and leaves room for trust issues and low self-esteem to come in. It might hurt but it will be beneficial for both you and your partner.
You are ALWAYS fighting. We have all heard that it’s okay to fight in your relationship. This is because it is between two people who have been raised differently and so disagreements are bound to be present. However, when you choose a partner, you should choose someone whose values are closest to yours. Part of being in a relationship is learning to and adapt to each other’s character traits and emotions as you go along.
When day-to-day conversations turn into slanging matches, or your partner has become your enemy or competition, your mental health and relationship are in the mud. In the initial stage of dating, it might be easy to turn a blind eye and make up after a fight but as the relationship matures, it becomes more and more challenging. If you have more fights than conversations, you should consider the essence of your relationship; except you’re a bull.
Money. Yes, you read right. MONEY. Finances are an essential factor in every relationship. We spend more than half of our lives working for money. While it is important to have money if we want to live a good life, it is also one of the most valued resources we use to show love. If you and your partner are not on the same page when it comes to finances, and your beliefs on how money should be spent, it can lead to resentment in the long run despite the amount of love you have for one another.
You no longer want to be in that relationship. This is quite straightforward. If you simply don’t want to be in a relationship with your partner, whether or not you have reasons to leave, whether or not your friends and family advise against it, it is reason enough. If you would rather be with someone else or even alone, you need to communicate this to your partner and leave. No one deserves to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with them, it is just cruel.
We all want our relationship to inspire a “God when” from people as it means we are doing something right. However, if your relationship excites every other person but you and you tick more than three of these reasons, you should be prepared to leave the relationship. We were created for love and relationships and it can be difficult to let go of a relationship that is not working. If you’ve had to leave because of one of these reasons, kindly share with us in the comment section, we’d love to learn from your experience.
Disclaimer: if your question is whether or not you want to leave a relationship, and none of the above reasons speaks to you, you shouldn't be here, you should be looking for reasons to stay.
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