I’m Reinventing the New Year’s Resolution for My Family
We use the new year as a chance to encourage our kids to make the world a better place.
Tucked in my jewelry box sits a folded and faded piece of construction paper with words written in Crayola marker. It contains our 2018 New Year’s resolutions. It’s in a place of honor, nestled among other family treasures, such as my engagement ring in need of repair and the friendship bracelets made for me by a group of campers when I was in college.
My kids, at 8, 6, 6, and 1, might seem too young to really think about resolutions, but we do them regardless. New Year’s resolutions have developed a stigma over recent years and for good reason. We tend to set unreasonable goals that 80% of us fail to keep so it’s not surprising that many people have given up making them altogether.
Still, when that ball drops and a new year starts, it is hard to resist the urge to set some type of goal or achievable benchmark for this next trip around the sun. It’s woven into our societal beliefs so deeply.
Rather than eschew the tradition, I began to wonder, what if we took the new year as a chance to encourage our kids (and ourselves) to better the world around us?
Throughout the entire year, I see very young children burdened down with the idea of success- whether that be academic or financial. These things are so heavy for little developing minds. Academic anxiety is on the rise as we push our kids to achieve more and indoctrinate them into hustle culture at a young age.
What do I really want for my kids though? Not perfect spelling tests or a behavior clip chart that is always “on green.” I want them to be world-changers. Rather than focus on weight benchmarks or pithy promises to work harder, what if we modeled for our kids resolutions that build character and enrich the world? What if rather than brush aside the age old tradition, we redefine it?
Resolutions that we make with our kids focus outward: Volunteer at the nursing home to serve Thanksgiving dinner, make friends with a classmate who seems lonely, assemble bags of survival items for the homeless people who live in the park surrounding our church. We focus on family relationships, as well: Be helpful to your siblings, do something unexpectedly kind for someone in our house.
By teaching our kids to focus outward, we can broaden their view beyond the small scope of their lives. By setting a goal that makes us think beyond ourselves, it expands our worldview and our empathy for others. And yes, I say “we” because Mom and Dad are part of this process as well. We cannot expect behavior from our children that we don’t model ourselves.
Just pondering these outward-facing resolutions has helped give my kids a complex worldview at a young age. They can hold deep conversations about public housing policy or the injustice that exists within governmental structures. These are the kinds of conversations that are born out of the experience they had handing out gloves and a granola bar to the man on the corner asking for a few dollars.
Resolutions that we make with our kids also focus inward. I want my kids to think about how they interact with and process the world, how they manage their emotions, and about their spiritual health. Resolutions to spend some quiet downtime to refresh their bodies, for example.
We don’t set strict limits on screen time but want our kids to be aware of the balance and self-discipline it takes to use screens healthily. We don’t make resolutions about weight loss or dieting, but we might instead resolve to try unfamiliar foods in an effort to make sure we get all the vitamins we need. Or a resolution to learn about something new and interesting — perhaps through a book or a podcast.
In their pursuit, they’ll work their synapses, stretch their neurons. The goal isn’t academic; it isn’t achievement-based. It is about enriching themselves and growing into the type of introspective and thoughtful adults the world needs more of.
Lest you think we have it all together and are raising tiny world-changers without incident, we don’t. We mess up a lot, and we fail every day in a thousand little ways.
Our house is loud and chaotic. It is messy and full of way too much stuff that we probably should Konmari out of it. We struggle with emotional regulation, rules, and being kind to one another.
We might go months without actively thinking about that piece of folded paper tucked in my jewelry box. So that stat about 80% of New Year’s resolutions failing? That might include us, too.
But the point of these resolutions is not the achievement of them. It’s the process. By making resolutions that focus on enriching the world and our souls, those resolutions become more about the journey than the end product. And that’s exactly what I want to teach my kids.
