I Know You Mean Well, But Please Stop Telling Me How Much Our Baby Looks Like Me
Since I gave birth to my daughter, people think I’m her biological mother — I’m not.
“I saw a picture of your daughter today. She is so cute. I can’t get over how much she looks like you.”
I hear this all the time.
I heard it first within hours of my daughter’s birth.
I know people say this because they care about our family. I know they say this with the best of intentions. But here’s the thing: Many straight people don’t understand what it’s like to have a child with someone you love and not both share a biological connection to that child.
Given current medical limitations, a relationship that includes two female-bodied people means that only one parent can be biologically connected to a child (unless a couple uses the non-birth parents’ sibling or another close relative as a donor). When straight people go on and on about how much a child looks like one of their female-bodied parents, they draw attention to the fact that the other parent doesn’t share the connection of resemblance.
I’m okay with the fact that my daughter isn’t biologically related to both of her parents. I…
