A Hollywood Outsider’s Guide To The Academy Awards
Imaginary accolades and GIFs definitely not chosen by the Academy.
No one is giving this year’s best picture Oscar nominees awards for diversity, but the talented people behind the films of 2015 ventured into some exciting territory. They made us lose ourselves in magical places, made us confront heartwrenching injustices, and made Leonardo DiCaprio chew through a raw, bloody bison liver with a very ungroomed beard.
These are the eight films the Academy chose as the best from the “overwhelming banquet” that was cinema this year (with end of January box office $):
- The Martian ($227,726,706)
- Mad Max: Fury Road ($153,636,354)
- The Revenant ($125,771,368)
- Bridge of Spies ($71,683,103)
- The Big Short ($57,900,477)
- Spotlight ($33,565,788)
- Brooklyn ($28,671,171)
- Room ($8,664,785)
I share little in common with members of the Academy, except I saw and over-analyzed all of the films on that list plus a lot more this year. Those hours in front of a big screen logged by a non-Academy member were still destined to serve a higher purpose. In my case, a higher purpose that includes combing the interwebs for animated GIFs.
Here’s an outsider’s biased list of imaginary awards to help you pick some films to watch or revisit before the ceremony:
Most Likely To Make You Really Want Leonardo DiCaprio To Win An Oscar: The Revenant
Hopefully this is the peak of Leo taking on any role that will let him cover his face with hair in the woods and sleep in a horse carcass in his quest for an Oscar. This movie will make you beg the Academy to let him have a statue so he can go back to taking roles as men who are somehow equally insane from being too gluttonous and pretty. The Revenant really is as uncomfortable to watch as it was to film, and it’s also likely the most visually stunning film of the year. It’s not surprising it was nominated for 12 Oscars including for cinematography, makeup, and the detail-obsessed directing that Innaritu brings to all of his films. You’ll have your breath taken away by dynamic single shots in the Canadian and Argentinian wilderness, and by Tom Hardy’s non-masked face. You’ll also wish there was an awards show dedicated to recognizing all of the battle extras who didn’t have Leo’s trailer and were also dragged through icy streams in while losing body parts in beautiful natural light.
Most Likely To Make You Ugly Cry: Brooklyn
You may have seen a trailer or read a description that made Brooklyn seem excruciatingly boring. And you may not be one for films that give you feels, but make sure you see Brooklyn. Bring tissues.
Most Likely To Make You Fall In Love With A Spy: Bridge of Spies
Based-on-a-true-story war negotiations and an almost entirely male cast — Bridge of Spies is a movie your dad has been raving about or wants to see, but it’s an extremely lovable one. Tom Hanks seems to appear and remind us why he is a national treasure whenever we start forgetting. He brings incredible life to what could be an exceptionally boring role with the skillful charm you remember from Big or Forest Gump. He and the brilliant Mark Rylance approach this film with the type of artistry that will almost make you want to be an actor. Rylance is one of the rare humans who has the ability to express just as much in silence as in dialogue. He was able to give audiences an incredible gift while taking a break from Broadway theater productions in this performance. Hopefully the well-deserved nod in the Academy’s supporting role category will encourage a prompt return to the big screen.
Most Likely To Make You See It Twice: Mad Max: Fury Road
There are few words one can use to accurately capture the badassery in the choreography, characters, splosions, spikes, and speaker wall “vehicles” crafted for this film. Every frame is a work of art. Don’t blink.
Best Picture That Wasn’t Nominated For Best Picture: Ex Machina
Even people who hate everything will love this movie. I’ve had more conversations about this film’s abstruseness, beauty, and representations of AI with strangers than any other film. It has a lot of things “Her” lacked like a more compelling plot and characters who aren’t played by Joaquin Phoenix. Ex Machina will transport you to a magical futuristic place for two hours and leave you thinking about the experience long after. Sadly it only picked up two nominations for its screenplay and visual effects, but its a shame there weren’t more for directing and triumphant performances by Alicia Vikander, Oscar Isaac, and Domhnall Gleeson. It could also win a second fake award in the category of best choreographed dance scene.
Most Overrated Picture That Wasn’t Nominated For Best Picture: 45 Years
Charlotte Rampling’s performance earned her a best actress in a leading role nomination. Every respected critic went out of their way to rave about this film’s subtlety and ambiguity. These are often trusted praises, but in this case, it seems like critics wanted to say good things about a painfully slow film with little consequence or climax that had great actors. There’s certainly room for nuanced films that draw you in slowly— not every film needs to hit you over the head with fire-laden guitar solos like Mad Max: Fury Road for our sanity — but this film drags in even the most “exciting” moments. Charlotte Rampling did give a great performance, just prepare for it to be hidden by a lot of still scenery pauses that were unneeded in a film with snail-like pacing.
You can find a complete list of Oscar nominees here. Grab your popcorn, and start catching up before the actual awards are handed out on February 28th.
