From porn PA to Oscar-winning Director
Here’s what happens. I’ll watch a good movie and then immediately after, I have all these questions about the director. I jump online to try to piece together their story. How did they get to this point? What has their life been like? Did they grow up rich? Is this their first feature and on and on my questions go. But I rarely feel like I find real answers. Wikipedia and IMDB don’t tell you, nor do the interviews they do while they’re promoting their films. I want the dirt, the real shit. I want to hear about all of the struggle, the small wins, their fears and moments of indecision. What were the pivotal choices they made? What were the breakthroughs and insights that propelled them forward?
That’s what this blog is. It’s my evolving story about becoming a filmmaker, told as it unfolds, in full color. And I’m starting with my less-than-glamorous beginning..
It was 2003. I was 23 and cocky. I’d just sold my first business — a gangsta rap website and I was sitting on a couple bucks trying to decide what my next move was gonna be. I knew I didn’t want anything to do with the music industry, especially rap, but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. And then the idea hit me. I was going to make movies!
Movies had always been a huge part of my life and writing was how I expressed myself. That was it. I was going to write and direct movies! Yeaaahh!! I was going to make movies like Pulp Fiction, Seven, Dances with Wolves and Good Will Hunting, but darker and more fucked up. More heart-wrenching. The world would never be the same.
The only problem was I didn’t know how I was going to do any of that. I grew up in LA where movies were constantly being made in the background but I didn’t know a single person that worked in film. So I hit Craigslist. I applied to a bunch of positions and eventually got an interview at a production company in Burbank. It went well. I shook the dude’s hand at the end and then he paused and looked away. “Oh, last thing,” he mumbled, “there will be some adult content. Are you okay with that?”
Hmmmm… It wasn’t exactly what I was imagining. I was ready to work with David Fincher and Matt Damon, not some Valley porn stars, but fuck it, this was my in and I wasn’t going to say no. So I started that Monday. I was officially a Production Assistant on a softcore set. For the next three weeks we’d be shooting a late night TV show for Cinemax. Think fake boobs, terrible dialogue and worse acting. There was actually this one chick who was whispered to be the Anal Queen and she had a back brace she had to wear in between takes. I actually don’t know if the brace had anything to do with the anal, but I always figured they had to be related in some sick way. Anyway — in the middle of all of this madness was me — one of 3 PAs.
The first few days my main responsibility was laying down and maintaining the cardboard that protected the floors of the Bel Air mansion we were shooting in. Then, luck struck. My phone broke. The Producer wanted to send me on runs to pick up shit all over LA but she wasn’t willing to let me leave if she had no way to call me so I got promoted to Set PA. The other 2 PAs would have to handle the runs themselves. Yeaaahh!
I was now a few feet from the camera most of the day. At this pace I figured they were going to ask me to direct a scene soon. But then the whole show went by, we wrapped and the director didn’t even know my name, much less ask for any of my creative suggestions. What the fuck.
The next few years were slightly more glamorous. I left softcore but stayed in the Production department and worked my way to the top rung — 1st AD. I had worked on music videos, commercials, TV shows, independent features, and even did an unofficial stint at Paramount. I was working 15 hours a day up to 6 days a week but nothing I did or worked on was getting me any closer to writing or directing, so at the ripe old age of 25, I pulled the plug and retired. I knew if I stayed on my path I’d join the DGA and become a career AD, working with the best directors in the industry but never being one. I wanted to tell my stories, not just make it possible for others to tell theirs.
So as fun as it was and as improbable as my ascent had been, I decided to quit and get an office job. 10 long years of sitting at a desk passed by. I was now a Product Manager in San Francisco at a great startup, working regular hours, with health insurance, PTO and a comfortable salary. Our team was super talented and close-knit, and we were leading our space in user experience and innovation. But it wasn’t enough. We were building an API, not making movies.
I kept my job but enrolled in film school at night. Two months in, I had already directed Grace, my first short film. It was based off a short story I’d written years before and I felt like I finally got it out of my head and into the world. It was like I’d given birth to this thing that could now live on its own instead of within me. I’d never felt anything so satisfying and I needed more of it. I had to keep making movies!
I’ve now written and directed 3 short films and a commercial and this past April I left my job to completely devote myself to my film career. I’m currently writing my thesis film, American Enemy and thought this would be the perfect time to start this blog. My goal is to document my experiences as I go from film school student to professional filmmaker.
I have no idea how it’s going to play out or what lies ahead. I know there are going to be a lot of ups and downs, twists and turns and I figured others can learn from (and be entertained by) everything I go through. And if nothing else, I promise to keep it super raw and share everything I possibly can as I inch forward. An Oscar nod or two would be cool some day too. I might even make some softcore shit at some point. Who knows!
Thanks for reading.
Peace!
Emil
