It’s 2017, And We No Longer Have A Place For Films That Don’t Fit My Personal Agenda

Yesterday I went to go see a film (that’s a “movie” if you’re from my hometown) that was about aliens or singing or baseball or something, and came away with a startling realization for 2017: this film, was in no way shape or form, a two hour rehashing of my personal agenda.

Critics lauded the film as “fun” and even went so far as to call it “escapism,” among a few other words that have absolutely no meaning to me. When I decide to grace my local AMC with $16 of my girlfriend’s hard-earned money (Sarah I WILL pay you back once I get back on my feet), I do not do so in search of “fun” or “entertainment.” I do so to see my very specific personal agenda reaffirmed to me through the thin veil of “story” and NOTHING BUT.

It’s 2017, people. That means that while we used to tolerate films that were not created with the sole purpose of pushing my personal agenda, we must stand up and say “no more.” I can no longer idly stand by, listening to my friends talk about how they “really enjoyed” seeing a movie that did not even attempt in the slightest to incorporate my most deeply held political ideologies.

From this day forward, I vow to make anyone who sees and enjoys a film that doesn’t explicitly harp on my personal agenda feel as though they just gave a handy to the lovechild of Hitler and Mussolini. We cannot all be heroes, but I can.