The Hateful Eight: The most disappointing movies of 2016
Ok, let’s not talk about absolutely shitty movies but turn our head to something really disappointing, something we were waiting for and dreaming about and then…oops, surprise!
• Julieta, Pedro Almodovar
Thanks to Cannes, I’m not waiting for any surprises from Almodovar. I used to love him too much, it’s enough. Let’s stay friends so I can remember all the wonderful moments we spent together — “Talk to her”, “Bad education”, “Women on the verge of a nervous breakdown”. His latest movies look like a shadows of his greatest hits.
• Les beaux jours d’Aranjuez, Wim Wenders
In Cannes I “broke up” with Almodovar and in Venice — with another old friend, Wim Wenders. Les beaux jours d’Aranjuez was unbearably boring and for some reason in 3 D. Do we really need 3 D glasses for a dialog drama? Maybe for reading endless subtitles? Ok, I will improve my french and try to rewatch it! Joking, I won’t.
• The Magnificent Seven, Antoine Fuqua
What can I say? I fall asleep in the middle of the main fighting scene. Viva remakes! Let’s make some more!
• Arrival, Denis Villeneuve
Beautiful story in which man completely doesn’t understand what is going on and woman knows everything ahead. Sounds familiar, isn’t it? And Chinese guy appears at the end of the film for people who even less sophisticated than Jeremy Renner character. (Jeremy himself is not the most intellegent person as well)
• The Light Between Oceans, Derek Cianfrance
It’s my favorite really! Not the movie but a real torture. “Babies are dying, people are crуing” — feels like a perfect logline for this drama, where Vikander-Fassbender’s couple are playing a couple.
• Hacksaw Ridge, Mel Gibson
We were awaiting for something interesting from Mel after such a long break, but the controversial filmmaker presented an ordinary war drama with pretense to originality. Ok, we got it!
• Personal Shopper, Olivier Assayas
We forget Kristen Stuart her SAGA, but we won’t forgive Assayas this fashion-mysterious drama. Bad shopper, bad.
• The BFG, Steven Spielberg
Everybody in Cannes was excited — Spielberg is making a fairy tale! Magic! The guy who was sitting next to me fall asleep after the ten minutes, the guy on a left lasted 15 minutes more. I turned around looking for support but found dead snoring field. Surprisingly, movie received good reviews. Magic!