Top Ten Movies: 2016
Well folks, it’s time once again for my annual Top Ten Movies list. Even though this is the first time I’ve published the list, it’s annual.
1.Moonlight — Truly evocative imagery, paired with a beautiful story and powerful acting: Moonlight’s trailer had it all. If the full film, which I have not seen, matches the preview, it deserves the number one ranking.
2. Captain America: Civil War — Popcorn entertainment done right. Try to watch this film without a smile on your face. Impossible! Now, full disclosure, I’ve only seen the trailer for this one, too, but if they pack this much action in such a short time frame, the full thing’s gotta be gold!
3. Mike and Dave Wanna Bone — The premise is simple, yet effective: what if two guys wanted to fuck? Not each other, of course, but ladies. Buddy, if this is what they put in the preview, imagine the real movie! And that’s all I’ll be doing, since I didn’t see it.
4. Hail, Caesar! — Sadly, I couldn’t see this one as I crashed my car into a tree on the way to the theater, resulting in a four month coma. But from what I remember before the accident, the trailer certainly made me say “Hail! Hail! these wicked Coens!”
5. Sausage Party — After waking up from my coma, I was really hungry. For cinema. But also for regular food, though I’d posit the wacky cartoon creatures in Sausage Party are anything but regular. I “re-coma’d” right after sitting down at the showing, missed the film, and was too embarrassed to ask for my money back afterward. Here’s the trailer.
6. Deadpool — Boy, comic book movies sure have changed since I was a young’un! The “Merc with a mouth” as Dead Pool fans call him, is so vulgar they had to release a red-band trailer to warn the kids! I’m LOL-ing at the thought of this for two full hours, if not actually at the full movie, which I haven’t seen.
7. let’s come back to this at the end
8. Star Wars: Rogue Wars —As I’ve told anyone within earshot, this film is doing “boffo box office, banking beaucoup bucks”. And I’m not just talking like that because of my recent head injury; the film is a hit. Hell, even the trailer has almost 30 million views. I can’t wait to watch this on DVD, the way it was meant to be seen.
9. Gravity — While this one didn’t technically come out this year, the visuals from the trailer still impress. I can’t wear 3D glasses so I never caught the movie.
10. Terrifying Coma Dream Where a Clown Eats My Face — I may have been the only one to experience this, but the special effects were INSANE! Uh, paging Stan Winston? You’ve got nothing on my deepest fears, coupled with the paralyzing realization I am powerless to stop them.
And that’s that! As the great Roger Ebert once said, “It’s the films that change our lives, and it’s our lives which change the films.” Until next time.
