Using the “double dash” when screenwriting
AUGUST 19TH, 2016 — POST 228
I don’t tend to write much about what I spend most time doing. For this week at least, that thing is screenwriting. I don’t tend to write (or at least, write well) about screenwriting because I’m probably not very good. And you’re meant to be good at something before thinking you can provide insight, right? Well having come to the end of a fourth draft, there’’s one thing particular I’ve been able to get a handle on: the “double dash”.
The double dash is putting two hyphen side-by-side (something that is impossible in Medium’s styling) — like this:
--One of the most intimidating things to me about good screenplays (here’s There Will Be Blood by Paul Thomas Anderson) is how they’re able to manage time on the page. So much of the job of a screenwriter is keeping time moving as it ought to, and often language simply slows stuff down.
Paul Thomas Anderson (from here: PTA) uses extensive intermediary sluglines — ways to reset the “scene clock” without starting a new scene. Take this example, Scene 20.
Quick aside, I will excerpt in Fountain to make Medium (somewhat) do what I want.
INT. FLOP HOUSE. NIGHT
[...]
Daniel wakes up, takes some WHISKEY from his bag, pours it on his FINGER and puts it in the baby's mouth. He sips some himself…baby H.W. cries and cries and cries…
ANGLE, LATER.
DANIEL carries the baby H.W. to a corner of the flophouse...The “ANGLE, LATER” here is useful in that it keeps us in the scene (under the “INT. FLOP HOUSE. NIGHT” slug) whilst not having us wait around. PTA keeps time marked exclusively by the only things that matter. We’re not getting the whole scene, everything that happened with Daniel is in the flophouse. Moving image media just move too fast for us to have time to worry about all that.
These kinds of techniques for time condensation, as inelegant as they might seem, are the techniques I find to be most useful. The double dash can similarly be deployed to condense time inside of action lines (sections that I find myself seduced into flabbing out unnecessarily).
Here’s one example from the script I’ve just closed out to illustrate how the kind of work the double dash can do.
THIRD DRAFT
LENS
Roger. What we've got here should hold us.
(craking the closest-thing-to-a-smile)
At least until Adam and Eve touchdown.
A shared behind-the-back bullying of the inbound astronauts. Wilkins pipes in, cocking her head at Lens as she speaks.
WILKINS
(jokily teasing)
We've got the serpent.
Lens' smile widens slightly as the canister empties. Wilkins SNATCHES the canister from his hand cheekily. Wilkins moves to an idle planter and mimics inspecting the plants.
WILKINS
(mock sincerity)
If only these were apples.FOURTH DRAFT
LENS
This'll be good to hold us.
(turns, smiles)
At least until Adam and Eve touchdown.
Wilkins moves in closer -- inspects one of the closed drawers.
WILKINS
We've got the serpent.
(mock sincerity)
If only these were apples.
Lens moves to the airlock -- takes his helmet off the wall. Wilkins gets it -- SLAPS down her visor.Now, the “before” definitely looks and feels overwritten. But a charge of “overwritten” is something that is only obvious after the fact. And even then, how do you “under” write? Overwriting, for me at least, stems from a perceived duty I have to smooth over every second that elapses with description. The double dash is a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card. It keeps action super simple (basic verb/noun structure) whilst linking it in a way that feels organic.
Not only does the double dash assist in manipulating time inside a scene, but it also is one of the most effective tools to direct the eye. Read back over the action lines of both versions. I know it can’t just be me who’s able to see the second one so much clearer. The site of the double dash even stands in a pseudo cut:
Wilkins moves in closer -- inspects one of the closed drawers.Can easily be visualised as two distinct shots and as such, set up to be shot that way (if we ever get there). Where as this:
Wilkins moves to an idle planter and mimics inspecting the plants.is doughy and fuzzy.
And that’s how the double dash became my new favourite weapon.
Please send me an email at dathowitzer@gmail.com if you want to read the full screenplay.
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