Domestic Violence
A look at the causes of domestic violence and solutions to the growing epidemic
Patriarchy
According to bell hooks, Patriarchy is the most well-known political system — not necessarily by name, but by action and experiences. The patriarchy allows men to believe they are endowed with the right to dominate, as if it is their inherent right to rule over everything deemed weak because of a socially constructed gendered dominance. Men use different forms of violence to keep their dominance over others. We see this a lot within the dynamic of domestic partnerships.
What is Domestic Violence?
Although patriarchal violence has many forms and variations, the most common reported is between a man and women involved in an intimate relationship. Looking at it from a stereotypical heteronormative perspective, the women is seen as the weaker partner. Her role is to serve her partner, to take care of him and nurture others; and be free of the “the burden” of thinking. The man in the relationship has the power. He is the dominant partner. The man is always to be served. He is the provider and the thinker. In “Understanding Patriarchy” by bell hooks, she specifies a man’s value being “determined by his will to do violence”. It is okay for men to be violent and is actually warranted in certain situations. This is how men maintain control of situations and their partners. Men are compelled to be violent because of this notion of control and power.
Psychology of a Child
There are two main thought processes that foster a good environment for abuse that all center around thoughts of power and control. The first involves the abuser’s thoughts. They believe their masculinity is somehow tied to keeping their partners on a short leash and within their control. This stems from being taught at a young age that to be a man means to be dominant, aggressive, and always in control. They hear statements like “You’re not a man if you don’t control her,” or “She is making a fool out of you.” If we, as a society, teach young boys that there are no right or wrong ways to be a man and instead just limit teaching to being good people they will never have this concept of what being a “real” man is and strive to hold onto it in any specific way.
The other factor involves the partner’s thought processes in the relationship that is being abused. They have this damaging idea that the interaction between a couple is a based completely on dependency. The abused believes that another person can make them whole and is responsible for their happiness. Again these thoughts are usually instilled at a young age. Many girls grow up with idols like princesses and other TV characters that do nothing more than look for a man to complete their lives and aid in their quest for power and royalties. As a society we are promoting this idea of dependence in young girls instead of helping them find power and happiness within themselves.
Bystander Effect
Domestic violence is resolved through the education of not only the people involved but everyone in society. Bell hooks in her novel, Feminism is for Everybody, said, “For too long the term domestic violence has been used as a “soft” term which suggests it emerges in an intimate context that is private and somehow less threatening, less brutal, than the violence that takes place outside the home.” More women are abused and killed within the home than anywhere outside it. This is why the first step in identifying the solution to domestic violence is changing the term to patriarchal violence. It influences people to think about all scopes of what it may entail and the true violence that stems from it. When people hear the term “domestic violence” they believe it is a private affair that two people need to work out on their own. Outsiders feel disenfranchised from the abuse happening within the relationship because it is not effecting them directly. Outsiders do not see it or hear about it therefore they do not feel it is their problem. It is a socially unaware bystander effect. With the term patriarchal violence, it describes the dynamic between a dominant person and one without power within a safe space (the home). This is an idea every person can wrap their head around and see the detrimental effects it can have on society as a whole.
Patriarchal Violence vs. Domestic Violence
Domestic violence needs a change in stigma revolving around it. Domestic violence is defined as violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the abuse of a spouse or partner. Although this is the true definition of the term, many people do not see or think past a heterosexual couple involved in a romantic relationship. In bell hooks novel, Feminism is for Everybody, she argues that domestic violence is too exclusive and it only applies to heteronormative couples. Instead, hooks coined the phrase, “patriarchal violence”. hooks said, “Patriarchal violence in the home is based on the belief that it is acceptable for a more powerful individual to control others … [patriarchal violence] reminds the listener that violence in the home is connected to sexism and sexist thinking, [and] to male domination” (62–3). Patriarchal violence is a broad term that covers many types violence within the home. It also identifies the controlling system of this violence, the patriarchy. That is why in most cases of violence, the abuse is demonstrated by men on their socially weaker counterparts, women and children, who are not always able to defend themselves.
