I’m a Mexican-American Mom Raising a Jamaican Daughter.
Everyday I look at my daughter and I see a beautiful, intelligent, hilarious little girl. She has a cheesy smile that shows all six of her teeth, her little curls bouncing around her head, and her chubby chipmunk cheeks. Her perfect little face makes me so anxious that I smother her in kisses and hug her so tightly that I need to stop myself so I can allow her to breathe. Her laughter is music to my ears. My daughter is perfect. But, in the eyes of others, she’s a brown little girl. But her beauty is not seen at first, her skin color and her gender. Brown and female. And she’s nothing more than a brown little girl.
Being a mother is mostly learning and sacrificing. Children teach us adults a lot more than we give credit for. But the biggest learning experience so far is trying to raise a daughter of color when my skin color is white. “Racism and Patriarchy in the Meaning of Motherhood” by Dorothy E. Roberts briefly writes on the difficulty is to for a white mother to raise a black child in a racist society.
I have never really encountered racism personally because of my light skin color although I am Mexican-American. It wasn’t till I was pregnant with my daughter. My daughter’s father is a tall dark Jamaican with tattoos all across his body. Every time we were out in public together, friends, staff at the Doctor’s office, or random people in the street would worry for my well-being. But, when I was not with him, then I would be congratulated and asked a ton of questions if I am excited, what is her name going to be, do I have her room set up yet etc…
The Doctor’s office is where I was irritated the most and blown away from the rudeness of the staff…especially at my second ultrasound appointment. Her father and I were finally excited that we were having a child, we barely got through our fears of bringing a child into this world and agreed we were ready to take on this challenge. After we saw her and heard her heartbeat, my doctor asked him to step out of the room and wait in the lobby. My doctor took a deep breath and looked at me very worried and asked:
“Does he treat you right?” Yea…
“Do you feel safe around him? Is your home safe for the baby?” Yea…
“Is he supportive of this?” Yea….
“Is there any type of violence?” No…
I was not sure where this was going or why it was even getting brought up. I was very hesitant answering her questions which probably did not ensure her that we were in a healthy relationship. My doctor did not remember who I was each visit but when I would go to appointments alone she would share her favorite parenting moments or ask me how the preparation for the baby is going. But when my boyfriend would come to the appointments, my doctor would be very concerned with how we were doing. We even had two doctors come in the room after delivery, at two separate times, lecturing my boyfriend that he needs to read a book and learn and the other doctor lectured us on birth control that we can’t let this mistake happen again. MISTAKE?! Now, I know accidents happen but my daughter is no mistake.
This is when I began to worry how my daughter would be treated. Either she will be given privilege when she is around me or hate when she is around her dad. I am not prepared to explain to my daughter why she is given a much harder time than me, or why certain kids do not want to play with her, or why certain people look at her differently. I don’t know what to say or what to do. Luckily, I came across the article “Raising Culturally Responsive Black Children in White Adoptive Homes:” by Darron T. Smith, which is I think first step to educating myself, is researching and trying to find out more information. Smith shares the basics that it is hard to raise a black child without any understanding or knowledge on African American history. He highly encourages to read, socialize, and be in more diverse areas. As a mother, I do need to learn myself how to deal with hate and negativity, educate myself more on Black Lives Matter and participate in events/protests.
I do truly love my daughter and her dad. I want her to be proud and embrace both her cultures. I am a proud mom of a little brown girl. But to some, it may not look like it. For example, in the film, The Blind Side, Sandra Bullock’s character tries to adopt a black male but the biological mom questions her of wanting the son for a paycheck. People’s mentality like that makes me fear more of how my little family will be perceived in society. However, here is also where I need to educate myself because black people have not had the most pleasant history so I need to understand where they are coming from and know about it.
No one said parenting would be easy and no one definitely said parenting a child of color would be easy. But this mama is ready for the challenge not only for my daughter but to help better the world. It takes one person at a time. I am a proud happy light skin Mexican-American mom to a brown little girl.
