It’s 2017, “boys will be boys” is no longer an excuse for violence

According to Bell Hooks in “Ending Violence,” the solution to ending violence against women or violence in general is for women to put their foot down, speak up for themselves, and stop the violence starting at home. Women are given the responsibility to end violence in the home by teaching their children and spouses that violence is not acceptable. I am torn between two sides on Hook’s belief:

1. I am all for women making a change and fighting for what they believe is right. So, for women to take the initiative to stop violence at home I think is very powerful. Women should lead by a good example and in order to make a change in society and around the world, the first place to make change for the better is at home. We, as women, should be heard more and listened to seriously.
2. However, men need to take responsibility for their actions too. Men should know between right and wrong and obviously violence is wrong. It is 2017, “boys will be boys” is no longer an excuse for creating violence. Excuses have been made that maybe men were not given a good role model in their home and they only know of one way to show power which is through violence. But if their parents didn’t teach them that violence was unacceptable, didn’t the men hear it in school by their teachers to keep their hands to themselves and it is not nice to hurt other people? There are absolutely no excuses.

I do not think there is any excuse for violence but I do not know how much I can speak on it when in some perspectives, I grew up in violence. My parents disciplined my sister and I with a spank or the “mexican discipline” way with a belt. We were never beaten, never bruised, or never felt like my parents were too violent with us. I can honestly say that I was never grounded or that I never gotten my phone or tv taken away for a reasonable amount of time, we were just spanked. According to Hooks, my parents spanking me is still considered violence.

Spanking became a serious discussion for my boyfriend and me on how to discipline our daughter, Aubree. I grew up with spanking so I was pro-spank for disciplining but my boyfriend disagreed and was very upset that I was even considering hitting our child. I had to explain to him that I am not beating her nor traumatizing her. But when Aubree turned a year and started climbing dressers, sticking her fingers in outlets, or throwing her food across the floor, my boyfriend felt it was right to spank her. I, however, switched mindsets because in my mind, I thought, “how can I hit someone so small and so precious, what if she doesn’t like me after that, or if she becomes afraid of me.” I did not know how to discipline her besides telling her “no,” which quickly became her favorite word. My daughter did not listen to me and she only listened to her dad, she threw fits with me in public and was a disaster at home. I gave in and spanked her when she misbehaved but my heart would break every time she started crying and would look at me with tears coming down her face. Aubree quickly learned that she needed to be hit every time we would tell her “no” or “stop,” so she would take it upon herself to spank herself. I have yet figured out a method to teach my daughter from right and wrong without spanking her. And, talking to her about what she did wrong does not work either but then again she is only a year and four months old.

Bell Hooks made a valid point that violence does start from the home because some parents might not have a limit like myself and may actually beat their child to the point it traumatizes them. Children will then learn that violence is a way to show power or to express what they do not like. Pamela Shifman and Salamishah Tillet share studies of famous murderers’s past history of violence in their home in, “To Stop Violence, Start at Home.”

“Before Tamerlan Tsarnaev was suspected of carrying out the bombing of the Boston Marathon, he was arrested for beating his girlfriend. When Man Haron Monis held 17 people hostage at a Lindt Chocolate cafe in Sydney, he had already been charged as an accessory to the murder of his ex-wife. Before George Zimmerman shot Trayvon Martin to death in Florida, his ex-girlfriend accused him of physically assaulting her.”

Women may view violence in their home as a small personal issue or something that has only happened once so it is not a big deal. But in reality, all violence, no matter how many times violence has occured is a huge deal. We, females, can end violence in our home that will protect many other people and stop the next generation from thinking violence is acceptable. However, media and pop culture especially movies like Gone with the Wind portray violence in the home as normal and acceptable. Rhett forces Scarlett into the bedroom after a drunken argument but the next day Scarlett appears happy with how the night ended. It is a challenge to teach violence is bad when violence is portrayed as something that can be easily brushed off.

Ending violence is a challenge but is something that needs to be done. If men are going to continue to show their power violently and make excuses for their actions, then us females need to step in and change their mindset. We can change one person and one home at a time.