Peace In An Uncommon Place
by Demarcus Cabezas
Throughout my youth, I’ve subconsciously operated in ways that would make me look like a cookie cutter Christian. Since I came to faith, I wanted to be like the figures I saw on Youtube and Instagram. The Steven Furtick’s and Judah Smith’s of the world were who I aspired to be like. They were individuals who seemed firm in their faith, and to see their influence in the world was something that I wanted to embody for the kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, I assumed if I did all the “Good Samaritan” things like attend Bible study, evangelize the lost, and pray for God to be pleased with me then and only then would I be at my best. If I did these things then I would be at peace and right with God. If I’m right with God and he’s pleased with me, I’ll begin to be of great use to him and have incredible impact for the kingdom like Judah Smith and Steven Furtick. However, I’m realizing that I don’t need to be a world renowned speaker or megachurch leader in order for God to be pleased with me. I can simply by myself and know that I am enough because of who He is and not necessarily what I do for Him.
As I stepped into college in the Fall of 2017, I sought to be involved in a community of believers. I was fortunate to find that by the end of my first semester, and immediately following my second semester I joined the leadership team with that community. Throughout my first year as a Student Leader, I was tasked with things like discipling younger students, leading Bible studies, and helping wherever I was needed. I assumed I was doing all the right things because it’s what all Christians were called to do, right? At least that’s the message that was sent to me subliminally. It’s the idea that we get to “partner” with God in what he’s already doing that pushed me in this direction.
There’s a problem with this narrative, though. Yes, Bible study and things of this nature can be exceptionally good and helpful, but a lot of times it may not be genuine. I was asked to follow conversation tools and guidelines to get my disciples to better understand God and what it meant to be a follower of Jesus. Bible study rooms were not filled with individuals who felt like they could be themselves. Conversations with strangers were forced, and again, left no room for individuals to be human. To be human is to walk around with deep aches and traumatic experiences at times. There seemed to be no time or space for absolute openness, but instead an agenda of material to get through. After two semesters as a leader, I began evaluating where I was with God. The strangest thing was that I actually felt farther from him. It was like putting your best foot forward for that one person you want most to be in a relationship with, and they say you’re not good enough. I thought this was the case because I wasn’t experiencing peace and all that God wanted me to be.
The summer of 2019 completely transformed the way I experienced God and the way I knew He viewed me. That summer I went down this dark pit of depression and loneliness. I was dealing with questions like: If I’m doing all these things that are good, how come I’m not experiencing God?
The formula for how I thought a believer should operate simply fell through, and I came to the realization that my foundation was based upon my own doing, my own efforts. It was the idea that I controlled the way the Father thought about me. I understood that Jesus had done the work, lived the perfect life and went to the cross to pay it all, but in my mind I had to keep the legacy going. I had to make the Father proud, I couldn’t mess up. I was in His family now, so I felt the need to excel in all my spiritual practices. But no, Jesus paid the debt in full long before I could ever know Him. Up until this point, my foundation had not been the source of life Himself. God seemed to be revealing Himself in a light I’d never witnessed before. A light that allowed me to rest, because rest is in fact holy. This wasn’t a permission slip to let life pass me by as I sit in a lazy boy but an invitation to sit with God at His table and know that I belong. Oftentimes, we imagine that God views us according to our performance and actions because any other way seems too easy. It’s a challenge to deeply believe God is simply in love with us despite anything we do. We have an innate belief that we must bring something to the table that can add to the relationship. It’s outside of the realm in which we operate, it’s heavenly. All God wants is our “Yes.”
Later that summer, I ended up at Goodwill one evening and picked up a book called Let Your Life Speak, by Parker Palmer. One thing I took from this book was the idea that who I am at my core is not bad. Instead, I am enough because of the cross and my decision to believe Christ as my Savior. Now, I am seen as righteous and good because of Jesus. Romans 3:22–23 says, “But now, apart from law, the righteousness of God has been disclosed, and is attested by the law and the prophets, the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe.” I began to experience a shift as I dove into this realization that I am good right where I am and didn’t have to do these tasks in order to please and be right with God.
This shift is where I stand today. Shortly after my new found understanding of God and spiritual identity, I stepped down from leadership and chose to simply be with God. I am finding myself more at peace. My conversations are beginning to grow, instead of being manufactured. I am beginning to see every individual as a human being created in the image of God instead of another person I need to engage with just to please Him. My peace today comes in many different forms, whether it’s talking to a stranger about football or chatting with my pastor about what God’s been showing me lately. The peace comes from above. It’s living out the truth that pseudo Christianity isn’t enough for me, and I don’t think it’s what the world needs. The world is hurting and what we need is something that’s raw and real, like Jesus. Jesus never forced situations, he was just present in them. Whether on a boat, at a well, or even at the cross. He was fully present in those moments, and He loved, cared, and listened to the people He was interacting with. It’s who Jesus was and what He did, and it’s who we were made to be like. We were made for this.
As a believer in Jesus, is life heavy on your shoulders? Like you can’t seem to get it right? If so, take a moment to yourself and step back. Breathe deep, feel your breath, and as you do reflect on the words of Jesus in Matthew 11:28–30, “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Demarcus is from Miami, Florida but now resides in San Antonio, Texas. He is currently a Multidisciplinary Studies major at the University of Texas at San Antonio, focusing in the areas of History, Communications, and Religious Studies.
