This is how so many modern ‘arranged marriages’ work in India
She was a rather simple and uncomplicated person! Very clean heart, could almost be mistaken for a simpleton!
She was attractive too and thus ‘popular’ in that sense! She was always dressed fashionably, that was one thing her father couldn’t restrict, the trend had become too overpowering for him to try and prevent. Of course most of those who were attracted to her, didn’t care much about who she was within. So she was always with people, yet alone in many ways. She would feel alone even when in a crowd, but had learnt to portray a happy image! She did feel conflicted within and would sometimes wonder if she was herself furthering this, she did not want everyone to like her only for the way she looked but she did want to be liked. Whether she made things this way or the world did, she sometimes wondered!
She saw couples around her, boyfriends and girlfriends, she saw how quickly some would come together, she saw how quickly most would change. There was a boy or two she secretly admired. But she could never do much about it. Partly because she ideally wanted them to approach her first but mostly because she could never let her mind, body and soul be with a boy completely! Her family would never approve, she knew that, not just would they not approve, all hell would break loose! And she could never fight that. And she did not want to be with someone knowing that its temporary, a lot of boys would not mind, but she did. She wanted something solid, concrete, something special. Sometimes, this forbidden feeling made it all the more alluring, but she could never muster the courage to act upon her desires!
Her best friend was a free spirit. She was everything this girl could never be! She would follow her heart, fight the world and everything that came along with it. She would often ask this girl: “Do what you want, how you want. I will always support you!”. All she’s reply in return was: “I can’t, I’m sorry”, her eyes drooping, not able to maintain contact with her best friend. Her friend felt helpless, frustrated, even angry, but she loved her too much, she would understand and withdraw! Perhaps too much nudging would make her even more depressed, her friend suspected!
This girl was ambitious too. Wanted to go study abroad after her graduation. Three problems with that, the first her father and the joint family they stayed with, the second being their concerns on why she needed to study further at all since they wanted her married as soon as possible and the third being the impossible prospect of going abroad! Somewhere within, she knew that one big reason for her wanting to study further was also to delay the impending push to get married. This fight, she wasn’t ready to concede, probably because she knew that she had a chance of winning it. She kept trying, took her friend’s help and managed to convinced her father to at least agree to let her study, even if it was in the same city.
She let go of what she wanted to study, where she wanted to study and often wondered that if being married to a guy was what her life was destined for, then why was she wanting to study at all! But it bought her more time and plus, she didn’t like thinking too much into these confusions, it depressed her further. So she went ahead with whatever she got. Later, a noticeably uneventful year passed. But she was getting more worried by the day. She knew that her family had begun making moves. She would sometimes just sit with her mother, asking everyone to let her be, her mother wouldn’t have much to say and would just comfort her instead. Perhaps her mother had once been her, she sometimes suspected. The thought of initiating this herself by finding a boy on her own, someone acceptable to her family, meaning of the right caste, financial standing and repute, did cross her mind all the time. At least, she’d have a semblance of a choice. She had a few names in mind, sons of family friends and allies of her father. But she couldn’t, they were all so usual and she’d known them for so long as just friends, she couldn’t force herself to like any of them.
She began posting photos of herself to Facebook and Instagram with a renewed fervour. Photos that were deliberately more alluring than ever before. She didn’t feel as hesitant any longer. Her following increased. Boys hounded her more than ever. But the few who got to meet her felt baffled at how the same girl was so reserved in real life. She went on a rampage, photo after photo, like after like, each ‘like’ made her feel worse, but she only had a little time left, she knew.
And then one evening, it happened. The family summoned her, the females sat quietly in one corner, albeit happy. Her father announced — “You are going to get married soon, we have waited long enough. We have begun talking to his family. You can meet him and see what you think as well”. What if she did not like him, she wondered, but it was customary, plus she wanted to meet him. She did and surprisingly he didn’t seem half bad. He looked decent, was polite and kept smiling. Maybe this won’t be as bad as she preempted, she thought. She kept talking to him for a few days, she had to love him, she felt. He was nice, they didn’t have much to talk about but there did not seem to be much wrong either. Yes over the next few weeks, he did say some things that were very different from how she thought but that was fine, she concluded.
Yet, she somehow could not get herself to love him. He may become a friend, she thought, but she found it tough to imagine him as her husband. But her family never asked her what her decision was and she knew she didn’t really have one either. That she was talking to him and did not disapprove was consent enough. The date was now fixed. It had been announced. Her friends were shocked at first, elated soon after. They started teasing her. One boy in her group went quiet all of a sudden. But the others went into overdrive. Asking to meet her fiancé, giggling, teasing. It was demanded that she change her relationship status on facebook. Her fiancé too joked about it. She wanted to wait just a little more. But he reminded her again, this time not as a joke. She did. The world came to know. Congratulatory messages poured by the hundreds, her phone did not stop buzzing. A few joint shopping sprees and a bachelorette party ensued as well.
The families met once again, a final time, to fix everything. She was inside her room, but her ears were out there. They settled on one car and a home for the to-be-married couple. She did not want her father to pay for her. Her fiancé too did not object, was this important to him, she wondered! But she didn’t say anything, she couldn’t.
It was now the day of the wedding. Clothes had been bought and gifts were lined up. The venue looked beautiful and larger than life. Her friends barged into her room that morning. Laughing, teasing. Did she know what awaited her that night, they giggled! They explained some of the details to her. She knew this was coming. They had watched porn together sometimes in the last many years, but she had felt repulsed each time. She knew what would happen, but she was scared to pieces! Will it pain! Will he be gentle! Will he like her! She wanted to, sure. But she was so anxious!
A few hours before the wedding, her best friend walked in and locked the room. She asked: “Are you happy? Do you love him?”. The girl got angry. What kind of questions were those! She was getting married to him! She shouted! Her friend didn’t budge and stood right there, unfazed, as strong as ever. They stared at each other and there was this long silence. Then they hugged and she cried a little!
She was now at her wedding. There were so many people around and they were all so happy. Everyone was screaming and laughing. She had so much make-up on, so many royal clothes and such beautiful jewellery. She looked at all those people, but her expression was the same. She was happy that she was at the center of it all, she was happy that they were there for her, but she felt numb within! As she sat there, she dropped her eyes, her gaze transfixed on the floor and her entire life flashed by in her head! Her childhood, her parents, her family, her friends, that one boy she really liked years ago. Did she make a mistake, would her to-be husband be good to her, his family had told her they would allow her to work after her marriage but would they really, would he be gentle to her! Could she have rebelled, fought just a little more! Her two friends who got married just last year were pretty miserable, she knew, would she be the same, she wondered! She missed her mother, she hoped her mother wasn’t too sad, she missed her so much, she wondered if she’d get to meet her as much. She even felt like getting up, running to her mother, being alone somewhere, hugging her, just the two of them! She snapped out of it. No, it will all be fine, she told herself.
Then she looked up again! There was music, bright lights, the food and drinks were flowing. Her friends came and dragged her. There was her to-be husband, his family, her family, her friends, his friends and so many people she hardly knew. Everyone looked so happy, everyone was screaming, it was too much to handle for her, she had never felt this numb, she let herself go and together everyone danced…
