How Women Play Small — The Line You Are Living Under
There is a line and you have probably been living under it. Living under the line may take many forms:
- you feel angry and either you don’t express it or you express 10% of what you are actually feeling;
- you feel joy and you hide it;
- you carefully choose and curate the words you are using to express something;
- you choose your thoughts;
- you are understanding and you suppress what you are actually feeling, thinking and sensing;
Women are used to do this, to tone down, to add a sugar coat to whatever it is that they are saying, thinking, sensing and feeling. They add this sugarcoat to be safe, to be accepted, to fit in modern culture.
“It is not that bad”, “it is not that serious”, “it is not that important”, “it doesn’t matter”, “it is not a big deal”, “I have to be understanding”, “I have to be nice”. Do you recognize these sentences? If so, you are under the line, your line.
You are playing small.
Think about your life and all the times that you swallowed a feeling, a thought, a word, an impulse. Now ask yourself, “What did I really wanted to…” and add the word that fits, it could be feel, say, ask, do, you choose.
Notice what is happening right now as you wait on the question to show up, are there excuses? Reasons maybe? Justifications? Or are you choosing the words and thoughts? Or even “I’ll do this some other time”.
The going under the line is happening all the time because you trained yourself, as a woman, throughout your entire life to do this and you received encouragement for it “don’t be too loud”, “you are overdressed”, “you are being to sensitive”, “you are acting crazy”, and I bet you have some more examples to this.
Living under the line is living in and under control, it is having a straight jacket at all moments and if you slip and go close to the line you get immediate feedback from your surroundings: “are you CRAZY”, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”, “DON’T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE?” and you know you have to go back to where you were before.
A woman is abused: “let it go, it is not worth it, it wasn’t that bad”.
A woman is laughing out loud: “be quiet, that is too much, you are embarrassing me”.
This is not appropriate, that is not appropriate and you keep on playing the game of the voices that don’t feel safe around you when you move an inch closer to the line.
They are afraid of your Voice, your Clarity, your capacity to Feel and to see Bulshit on the spot. You become a Wild Card if suddenly you decide to come out of under the water.
Do you see where I am heading to? Yes, I am dangerously getting close to the point of saying GO THE FUCK OVER THE LINE!
Let it sink in. Take a deep breath. Go back and read it again. Yes, that.
Why would you want to do something like that? Well, my guess is, if you are reading this article you already know the answer and got to the point of cracking.
The Cracking Point is where Transformation can happen, friction is happening and you are getting to the verge of something inside yourself. If you stay there without trying to make it better or crossing it over, the Crack happens and a new space emerges. When this space is created a deep inhalation happens. What is inhaled? Possibilities. And you enter a new space, different from the previous one. Information, feelings, sensations, all coming together through the Crack. Choosing to go through is the chance to get a different shape and more space for your Being to be anchored here, in the Small Now.
Now is the time to try something new and since we are talking about going over the line, why not try just that?
At first it will be like an elephant walking through a crystal shop, your emotional fear will be there trying to tell you not to go there and to move back to “security”, the voices may say “this is wrong and crazy”. Great news! You found your edge. Take note of your discoveries and please share them with us, all the other Women that are also looking for the steps to go over the line.
Walking the Edge is scary and navigating your line may be one of your edges.
This is the opposite training from the one you received up until now, the line will go way up, then it will come down, and the more you do this you will begin to discover your line, the amplitude will diminish more and more until you get to your reference line, it is a calibration process, like working a muscle that becomes more and more refined and tuned to the spaces that you’ll be navigating, until you reach the point where you are so tuned into your line that you will feel the vibration of a breeze on a spiderweb.
Experiment
For a week, create a space where you can express your anger in a conscious way. Ask for someone to do this experiment with you. This is how it goes, in first position connect with your anger and start speaking from it. Let the words come and the anger get bigger. Don’t censor the words, navigate through your anger and allow it to get bigger and deliver the next word.
Is there a word that you are avoiding to say? Say it. Are you thinking about how your face looks? Let it go.
Take notes of the moments where you felt blocked and held back, these are doorways for your healing process and also for your research.
