Letter From The Grandchild Of An Estranged Parent

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

Hey Mom!

You don’t really know this, but I notice how much you’re struggling. I notice how you laugh when you talk about the things your parents used to do to you.

I also notice that none of those stories are funny.

They are horrific. They are stories about you being yelled at, belittled, or worse. They are dehumanizing.

I know that when I need you, and you reply with: “Well, my mom used to do THIS, so you’re lucky” that you don’t really mean that. I know you’re doing your best to be a good parent.

It’s just that you had a really really bad parent.

I do appreciate the things you do that stray from what you learned. I appreciate every time you say: “I’m not going to do this, because that’s how my mom did it.” I see you’re trying and struggling. I see you spend a lot of time battling demons no one can see, and sometimes those demons tie you to the bed and prevent you from enjoying time with me.

When I grow up, you might tell me I had an easy childhood. You won’t remember all the meals I cooked for myself, all the time I spent alone until I preferred to be alone. That’s okay, I guess. I will keep telling myself: You did your best.