missing what you can’t remember

a poem

Lisa Martens
Sep 14, 2020 · 2 min read
Photo by Falco Negenman on Unsplash

was this a
cafe or a
fusion restaurant?
i don’t
remember but
i remember i liked it
i miss it
was this graffiti
here before?
im so
confused this was
a place so familiar but
one thing changed then another
we get a free bagel with our drinks
and walk away
we couldn’t drink in the streets
i remember that
well, that can stay the same
but
was that always there?
wait, didn’t we drink outside?
so weird to think
we used to be so close together
in bars
in restaurants
some guy was
only two feet away from me
some guy
sat next to me in the subway
some guy was
standing close to me
and i told him to back up
can you believe
there was a time we didn’t
do that? can you believe
there was a time where
it was rude to tell someone
to back up?

i miss something i don’t even
really remember
i miss something i know
i’m not getting right
i miss something i’m not sure
i even had.

everyone around me
grieving memories
imagined realities
shadow people
who were really just
passing cares
the magic that
was really mom
going to the store
bars after rehab
closed offices and water coolers.
zoom calls
dead ends
no range.

did we really
wear bras and makeup every day?
see some things
i like better now but
is that a betrayal
of the past?
whose towel is this?
did we always
have those glasses?
where are the scissors?
everything changed so slowly, so insidiously —

why did we ever
go to the gym?
why didn’t we
picnic more? use the
free public spaces more?
why were we
crammed into activity holes
all the time?
kind of glad im not
going from cube to cube
when we could just be
outside.

the past seems romantic but
it is not that far away.
suddenly we are all
older, thrust into
a new world.
grieving something that we must
admit
was not so great
grieving something that
has actually
improved in some ways
grieving something that
we never really had.

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Lisa Martens

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“Are you okay?”

Stories that cause “concern.” Feminism. Satire. Humor. Misc.

Lisa Martens

Written by

MY BOOKS ARE FREE MAY 4 AND 5 ONLY. AMAZON: https://linktr.ee/lisathewriter 📚 Collab? lisa.snetram@gmail.com

“Are you okay?”

Stories that cause “concern.” Feminism. Satire. Humor. Misc.

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