Shocking: Dating Apps Aren’t Great For Men, Either.

Lisa Martens
“Are you okay?”
3 min readMay 18, 2024

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Photo by Good Faces Agency on Unsplash

When it comes to dating apps, there’s no shortage of marginalized groups complaining about harassment and abuse. But a new book might reveal that guess what: Dating apps suck for cis men, too.

A new book called Sticky, Sexy, Sad: Swipe Culture and the Darker Side of Dating Apps is based on data collected from men between 2017 and 2022. Sexuality scholar Treena Orchard gleaned several lessons regarding dating apps and toxic masculinity:

  1. Dating apps don’t provide sufficient education or coaching. This can result in men seeing women as an opponent to fight or a prize to be won. When I worked for a dating app, I saw this mentality often: Men would feel like women were tricking them into buying them food, instead of trying to think of nice dates to take them on. Several times, I received support tickets from men asking me for their date money back. Men who are already not great at talking to women are just unleashed onto the app, and they could come with all kinds of preconceived notions. I’ve also experienced this personally: So many first messages from men seem overly aggressive, like I’m already the enemy because I’m a woman. In fact, many messages I receive are almost trying to dare me to “prove them wrong” by dating them. What?
  2. Gamification of dating means endless options, and less intimacy. I don’t think…

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Lisa Martens
“Are you okay?”

A remote working Latina. Storytelling is a calling. Read, support, and more here: https://linktr.ee/lisathewriter