Yes, You Can Totally Disappoint a Virgin.

You just don’t want them to confidently speak for themselves.

Lisa Martens
“Are you okay?”

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Photo by Debashis RC Biswas on Unsplash

It’s 2021 but there are still people floating around who think that if a cishet woman uses sex toys or has multiple partners, she will be somehow “ruined” for that one “special” guy.

To start with, this is all very sexist and hetero-normative to begin with, but it’s also…really stupid.

Sorry to the dude I first dated, if he ever reads this — My orgasms were not real in my first relationship. That’s not entirely his fault — I was also self-conscious and didn’t know what I liked yet, which is normal. How could I communicate something I didn’t know? I thought having an orgasm through penetration was normal, so I must be abnormal because that never happened.

I didn’t have one until I bought a sex toy.

If someone gives you sour milk, and you’ve never had milk before, you can still tell that it doesn’t taste good. Likewise, I didn’t have to have sexual experience in order to know that I wasn’t having fun. This whole idea that somehow, cishet women who don’t have sex are “easier to please” is completely wrong.

But! Virgins and inexperienced women are probably easier to gaslight.

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Lisa Martens
“Are you okay?”

A remote working Latina. Storytelling is a calling. Read, support, and more here: https://linktr.ee/lisathewriter