A Letter to an Old Friend

Dear Old Friend,

I feel the urge to ask of your whereabouts but I know you’re okay. This reminds me of those times when you laughed and teased me and said I cared too much. I admit that I care(d) too much because it’s so hard to let go of someone who had such a huge impact on your life.

You came in like a stranger in search for something pure and real that the world couldn’t give you and I was willing to help. I remember the first time we talked on the phone; I had been so concerned about how funny my voice sounded that I payed little attention to yours. I miss that optimism and hope that your voice carried and the comfort your silence brought. Trust me, the world is more than ready to hear that voice.

I reminisce about how we kept struggling to agree on a topic because you preferred skateboarding and old school music and I was more of a 21st century kid. Oh, and I listened to a few of the songs you suggested and I regret ever judging a book by it’s ‘cover’, literally. We were young and had dreams that were way bigger than us. Do you still remember how I told you I was going to set up my own media company because of my love for books? Well, I haven’t gotten there yet but when I finally do, you’d be the first person to know.

I don’t blame you at all for almost laughing your ass out because I said I wanted to join your ‘skate gang’; Now that I think about it, I really suck at trying to be cool. I will never deviate from the valuable lesson you taught me; ‘Love yourself just the way you are and don’t try to be cool’. Your words were rare and priceless jewels and it’s a shame that people ignore it for the less valuable option.

You despised fake people and I’m sorry if I may have somehow lost myself while seeking for constant validation from this hypocritical society. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen enough when you bared your mind to me because I was scared of giving you bad advice (p.s. you should know I suck at those). It’s sad how fate didn’t let us come together. I guess we’re each treading totally different paths and one day, the horizon of hope is going to materialize.

Now I just watch you grow through your Instagram posts and the occasional ‘hey’ and ‘what’s up’ messages you leave me on my Facebook page. Sometimes I just sit and imagine how much better life would have been if I had thousands of you in my little ‘circle’ but I guess you can’t ‘eat your cake and have it’, as they say.

Leenard (because you felt ‘Leonard’ was too lame), I never thought I would say this but I’m proud to have known you even though all I get now are just bits and pieces of you. I’m proud of all the things you have achieved and all the boundaries you had to cross just to prove the world wrong. I want you to know that I’ll always be here, supporting and rooting for you in times of great joy and despair.

I’d simply be a lying hypocrite if I say that it doesn’t hurt to slowly lose someone who I thought I could never live without. How are you so distant yet I feel your presence every passing day? I must be a total loser for giving up just yet and I know that wherever you may be, you’re probably laughing at my ‘softness’ and foolishness.

Bye (for now) old friend. I do, will and always have loved you.

Your favorite douchebag.

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