Arsenal Bingo is an Unforgiving Type of Game
The EPL is a cruel mistress. It’s ripe with drama, table races and overall tension that would make your favorite episode of Scandal feel like a children’s TV show. Yet one thing is forever certain. Arsenal.
Here are the squares in Arsenal bingo.
Mid-Season Collapse : For most of the first half of the season, the Gunners are able to play the long-con and fool themselves, the rest of their league and at least one prophet into thinking that this may be the year. You know, the one where they actually get back to winning the EPL. Mid-season collapse happens around December and/or January to temper the expectations of Arsenal fans.
Blowing a Lead in the 2nd Half: Sadly, there are no double points because Arsenal fulfilled this twice in the span of two matches. The team will come out with a seemingly perfect game-plan to stop their opponent, score and then proceed to unravel like a ball of yarn.
Ox/Ramsey/Wilshere Injury: I think these three just rotate in and out of the squad like the seasons. Somewhere out there, a charter exists that states that none shall be healthy at the same time.
Key Injury In the Midst of a Title Race: Every. Single. Year. [Looks lovingly at the photo of Santi Cazorla]
Drawing When They Should Win:
Friday: We got Blackburn tomorrow, we should probably do a few light drills and figure out how we’re going distribute the ball. This is an easy one.
Monday: Well, we’re in fourth place now because no one else dropped points and we lost 1–0.
Getting Hopes Up For A Major Signing and Not Getting Them: Gonzalo Higuain would have been nice. So would Karim Benzema. I guess Lucas Perez isn’t bad?
“Just Like A New Signing”: I like that we’re able to enter every season with an unabashed optimism that Jack Wilshere won’t get his leg pulverized by a slight breeze through a training pitch.
Undercutting Value: That 40mil + 1 GBP offer for Luis Suarez was totally reasonable.
#WengerOut: The chants start in the winter when Arsenal decide to drop a run of games and the fans start to believe that it’s definitely, most certainly, maybe the Frenchman’s fault that all of this is happening, like he didn’t construct the Invincibles Voltron.
#WengerIn: Oh you lovable loyalists.
Bayern on Barca in UCL 1st Stage Knockout: Do they just have tickets to London on retainer now?
“I didn’t see it”: Maybe Arsene Wenger should watch the team he’s managing play for once?
The Zipper Fumble: It doesn’t get any less funny that a grown man cannot figure out the functionality of a fairly simple coat zipper.
Late Meaningless Push: When all is lost, for some reason the Gunners start playing extra hard. Maybe Arsene doesn’t show them the EPL table until the last matchday as to keep them working harder believing that they can actually still a real and meaningful place in the League.
St. Totterinham’s Day: At least we always finish above Spurs.
Congratulations, if you got any of those in the row you get the very prestigious and very sought after Fourth Place Trophy as your reward. Enjoy.
