Dead Pool: Game of Thrones Season 7 — Episode 2

Because as the prophecy says: when you play The Game of Thrones, George R.R. Martin will kill your favorite character.

The sand snakes Cameron, we forgot the sand snakes! The whole episode really felt like a preamble to something bigger and I didn’t expect the explosive ending that we got in the end, but I’m glad we did. As we’re getting the abridged version of a season, with only seven episodes, we needed to get to the action sometimes and boy did we ever did. First off, I’d like to point out that Euron is in fact crazy. Like he might be on the Matt “drove two hours in LA traffic to fight Derrick Fischer because of his ex-wife” Barnes scale of crazy and that is a weird distinction. Second. Why did I have to watch this during dinner (you know what I’m talking about).

Anyways, let’s get right into it.

Yara Greyjoy

Serge: I feel like I’m taking the easy road and that her demise was a little bit too FedExed at the end of episode two, but hear me out here. For one, watching Game of Thrones is a constant exercise in saying “things are really going well for… yeah, nevermind that.” And things were going extremely well for her. Second, I think that George R.R. Martin is more invested in giving Theon Greyjoy his redemption storyline and that is best accomplished by Cersei torturing his sister and him finally re-discovering his testicles. Perhaps even literally. Maybe it’s a ploy be Euron to lure Dany out. I just hope Yara can run (swim) a serpentine pattern.

Also, why is Theon the only one with PTSD? There are characters here that actually died and came back to life.

Bet: 100$

Cam: First, let me concur with your judgment of Euron Greyjoy being psychopathically nuts. The actor playing him, Pilou Asbæk, has mentioned that he intends to make Ramsey Bolton look sane and well-adjusted by comparison, and as much as it feels like the Greyjoy plot is a rejected Pirates of the Caribbean screenplay, I’m still curious to see what comes of it. There are nods to Victarion Greyjoy (his cut-from-the-show brother in A Feast for Crows and A Dance of Dragons) in his battlefield savagery and just enough insane cockiness that he could (hopefully) end up one of the more compelling characters to be introduced this season.

Second: Man, as easy as it is to mock Theon suddenly deciding that swimming practice was a better life choice than fighting his pirate-y uncle, I feel really bad for Theon. Dude’s been through more than all but a handful of characters (Jon Snow, Jorah Mormont, Sansa Stark, mayyyybe Beric Dundarion), and it all came bubbling up at the worst possible time.

There are decent odds that Yara doesn’t make it out of the next few episodes, but I don’t think her death is as immediate of a priority for Cersei (more on that next). On the other hand, Euron has a number of scores to settle, including Yara taking his best ships in the middle of the sixth season and sailing immediately for Essos. I think she’ll outlast her fellow captive, but would also wager decent money that she dies — probably tragically, and probably in a manner that causes even more emotional and physical torment to poor Theon than he’s already been through.

Bet: $60

Speaking of…

Ellaria Sand

Cam: …there may never be an easier bet to make. Euron Greyjoy promised Cersei a gift worthy of a queen. From simple intuition and the trailer for episode 3, it looks certain that that gift is the woman who assassinated her daughter, in chains and ripe for a whole lot of revenge-y torture followed by a brutally unpleasant death. And yes, the show will presumably make us watch it.

Bet: lots of money

Serge: Of course it will. Every time I feel like I’ve pushed my threshold for disgusting things as seen on TV we’re treated to another scene of Sam Tarly cutting off Greyscale, puss and all. Also, shoutout to Sam, he’s had to put up with a myriad of gross shit through the first two episodes and he has probably the most important job in there. He’s like that time I went to camp as a kid and all the older kids had me do their jobs because I didn’t know any better.

Ellaria’s value is at an all time low. She’s like the Paul George trade equivalent of Westeros and arguably wouldn’t net a better return than Victor Oladipo and/or Domantas Sabonis, no pick. All of the Sand Snakes are dead and she doesn’t really mean much to Dany or Lady Olenna so she provides Cersei no wartime leverage. She’s gone.

Bet: What’s the max again?

Cam: I’ve just been told that the Iron Bank of Braavos’s gambling subsidiary, Essos Sportsline, has suspended betting on this outcome.

Grey Worm

Serge: At least he got some before he went. For those confused as to why I would put some well earned gold on this, refer to statement above about characters doing well on this show. It doesn’t last. Game of Thrones is a game of runs and Grey Worm has been on a good one. Think about it, Jorah Mormont, with a fully functional male reproductive system (at least until Greyscale presumably) couldn’t get any for like 5 seasons. Grey Worm, straight to the hole on the first try. Things are going too well.

Bet: 100$

Cam: Oh he’s for sure gone. He’s been given a nice, redeeming arc and love story. He’s off on a mission to seize Casterly Rock from the Lannisters in a military campaign already defined by everything going wrong and needless casualties being taken. This series’ mantra is “oh,you were starting to like them? That’s really unfortunate…”. There’s a chance Grey Worm survives the Siege of Casterly Rock. But if he does, it will probably only be to die at some future battle at King’s Landing or in the war for the conquest of Westeros.

Beric Dundarion

Cam: I know he didn’t make an appearance this episode, but the Brotherhood Without Banners are at this point seemingly heading north to join the fight against the White Walkers and their army of undead.

At this point, the Hound seems too significant to kick the bucket quite yet -he still has a part to play in the all-important Cleganebowl (#GetHype) — but someone in the Brotherhood is bound to die in this bloody affair. He’s already died a half dozen times; my money is on another.

Bet: $50

Serge: I feel like there is going to be a poetic moment here for the Hound as he takes up the role of Beric and gets reborn through the fire. This would be a very grandiose turn of events that ends up redeeming Sandor Clegane fully, but preferably not before the Cleganebowl.

It’s a tough sell because Beric is a much bigger figure in the books, what with (SPOILERS) Caitlyn Stark and playing necromancer. I know that the producers hashed it all out with GRRM before the shooting even started, but it feels like cheating a bit before Martin gets to finish the books himself. Still, the Hound’s arc has been one of the most compelling ones and a turn where he takes the place of poor Beric wouldn’t be entirely out of line.

Bet: $25

Ed Sheeran

Serge: We just need it to happen. For 2017. For the culture.

Cam: I’m fairly confident that he isn’t coming back at this point — the Sheeran ship has sailed. But I’m a creature of habit, so I’ll keep re-upping.