Dead Pool: Game of Thrones Season 7/Episode 5

So far no one has died (that we predicted), but we’re adamant to win some money back.

Holy shit Cam, was there ever a more tightly packed episode with information than this? I mean aside from where Bran yelled at his father and almost broke the space time continuum and we found out Jon Snow wasn’t actually Jon Snow? I don’t think so. I have so many questions and we need so many answers, but more importantly I’m totally okay with pausing all other storylines in the show to have a 5 episode mini-series of Jon Snow and the band of merry men beyond the wall. I think it would be a phenomenal little aside in a show that can’t stop shipping relatives.

Cameron Climie: This episode reminded me stylistically of the Mad Max reboot, insofar as it was relentless and gave you almost nothing in the way of time or space to breathe. And yet, still, the season has not yet reached the peak that it has been relentlessly barreling towards. A lot happened this episode: Gendry reappeared after four seasons of rowing (and promptly declared it Hammer Time); Daenerys looked at Jon Snow (her probable nephew) with f*ck-me-eyes for the entirety of her screen time; Drogon enjoyed some Tarly BBQ; Westeros’s version of the suicide squad headed north of the wall on an impossibly stupid mission — boys going to crack open a cold one, if you will. AND WE’RE STILL 0/20 ON OUR DEATH POOL. From everything we’ve seen, this next episode is going to be a doozy, so let’s get right down to it.

Lord Umber or Karstark

I think for the time-being all of the major players are safe from any kind of retribution. Even my usual weekly bet on Littlefinger getting the pointy end is on hold as he seems to have regained some of his footing for sowing seeds of a chaotic ladder. Whoever stood up against Jon though in the face of Sansa, those guys should probably chill for a quick minute. I know Lord Baelish is carefully planting unrest between Sansa and Arya, but I think it will initially come down to Arya trying to set the rebelling houses straight first. Subtlety never has been her strong suit, face swapping and all.

Bet: $50

Cam: At some point, just what exactly Littlefinger is up to has to become clear. Whether he’s trying to turn Arya and Sansa against each other, nestle his way into a coup, take them both under his wing, or something. But Littlefinger has also established a pattern of leaving a body whenever he explains something — Ros in the third season, Lysa Arynn in the fourth, Sansa’s independence in the fifth, a whole lot of Bolton soldiers in the sixth. Some heads have got to roll (figuratively or perhaps literally) to engineer some exposition. It’s a coin-flip as to whether the unfortunate lord is from the north or the east.

Bet: $25, but only because this betting pool has bankrupted me.

Beric Dondarion

Cam: Look, someone has to die on this insane, stupid mission to capture a wight and bring it (somehow) south of The Wall to (somehow) convince Cersei to (somehow) put aside her war with Daenerys and (somehow) combine forces to fight the White Walkers. Somehow. This mission has doom written all over it, and there’s a few things we know: we know that Beric has died multiple times already, but kept being resurrected by Thoros/the Red God because he was “needed for something.” We also know, from this episode’s trailer, that he’s got a flaming goddamn sword at some point in this next episode. He’s the most obvious candidate to die north of the Wall, and for it to be some sort of heroic “I’ll hold them off with my flaming goddamn sword while you run for safety!” kind of last stand. I am so excited.

Bet: [mortgages apartment]

Serge: At some point the dude with the nine lives is going to run out of nine lives. Just so we’re clear, I’m mad that this expedition beyond the wall is destined to end in an episode or two because I would watch at least five eight episode seasons of Jon Snow and the Merry Men™ North of the Wall. It’s at least a better idea than Confederate, which is turning out to be a documentary anyway.

The odds here are between Beric and Thoros, both of whom are wholly expendable because, character development. I get they’re more fleshed out in the book, but still. Here’s the thing about Beric though, if he dies he can come back. What if he couldn’t? I am adding to this and thinking that Thoros dies first, in particular to add urgency to the situation given that the party has at least two members with first hand resurrection experience. Thoros dying takes away deus ex machina of the mechanic AND grants Beric’s death a more tragic sacrifice.

Bet: $150 on Beric, $50 on Thoros

The Hound

Cam: This is my Hot Take of the Week: I think the Hound also dies north of the wall. Two for seven (remembering my blasphemous Tormund bet last week) seems like an insufficient amount of pain for how dumb this mission is. Sandor’s destiny lies north of the wall — we know this from what he saw in the flames — and the only kind of destiny in Westeros is the unfortunate kind. But here’s the hot take: I also think he comes back. We know that Thoros and the Red Priests have the power to resurrect the fallen — Beric has come back six times to this point (in the books at least) and Jon Snow was revived by Melisandre. I think Thoros is gonna have to choose whether to revive Beric Dondarian or Sandor Clegane. And I think he’ll choose the latter. Both because the lord of light wills it, and also because the only thing more hype than Cleganebowl is Zombie Cleganebowl.

Bet: $50

Serge: Look, 2017 has lasted a good 15 years at this point and I’ll be damned if I let you take Cleganebowl away from me. But where there’s fire, there’s the Hound running away from it and losing composure. He had a vision in the flames so in some way he may be instrumental to the mission or the story, I am not sure which, but I can also see how he can get rattled by the presence of the stuff that turned his face into a flesh rug and lose his life in the process.

Bet: a reluctant $25

Maester of Winterfell

Serge: I’m going for the small apples here, no one plots against the Starks with Arya watching and lives to tell the tale. The Maester has clearly been helping Littlefinger, going as far as to secure a message for him that no one else is allowed to see (which I assume he has seen and knows the importance of). Not without getting the pointy end.

Bet: $75

Cam: I actually disagree. One thing that’s marked both Arya and Littlefinger so far is a remarkable lack of collateral damage. In all of Baelish’s schemes, the only deaths have been ones that were absolutely necessary. Same goes for Arya -her list, the waif, the male Freys (she even stops his wife from drinking the hella-poisoned wine in the season opener). The Maester does not seem central to whatever scheme Baelish has cooked up,and so I think it’s unlikely that he kicks the bucket. For now.