Game of Thrones Dead Pool: Episode 4

Who thought of THAT name for a battle where half the Lannister army gets turned into vaporized molecules?

Well, the dragons are in play Cameron. Wait, hold on, let me try that again. THE DRAGONS ARE IN PLAY. It took four episodes into the seventh season but Daenerys Targaryen, the Queen of the Andals yadda yadda yadda has moved the best piece on the chessboard into play and rotisseried what I imagine is the bulk of the Lannister forces (and the Tarlys for good measure). It was an intriguing 15 minutes or so on the show and when the Dothraki army collided with the more traditionally armed Lannister men I imagined this felt a lot like watching a Mongolian invasion in the past, but only if the Mongols also had a Dragon. So, shall we?

Cam: Turns out air support is a hell of a thing. I was positively shaking with excitement and “holy crap”-ness when that episode ended. After teasing the overwhelming power of possessing three dragons for six seasons, Daenerys Targaryen unleashed the fury of one of them in one of the most epic battle sequences of the whole show. But that wasn’t even the craziest part: in fifteen minutes of napalm-filled consequence, nobody of consequence died (that we know of). We’re now 0/15 in death-pool bets, putting together a losing streak to rival anything that Philadelphia 76ers put up during the Process era. But this season increasingly feels like a Tarantino film, in which tension will be amped up for five hours and then unleashed in utter chaos in the span of about twelve seconds. Which means there’s bound to be some deaths.

Ser Bronn of Blackwater

Serge: Things are going far too well for us in Game of Thrones lately. Even in death, Lady Olenna Tyrell died like the world’s best badass and given her age and how exposed Highgarden was, her demise was a forgone conclusion that still felt like a victory in itself. We got the Jon Snow and Dany Targaryen meeting. We got the most depressing Stark family reunion we could ever ask for. It’s time for the show to break our collective hearts one more time.

I don’t think a man can survive an encounter with a dragon, but while the show can stretch one man’s survival into the land of plausibility, two is too much. Jaime is Cersei’s brother (and Tyrion’s for good measure) and is a valid negotiating piece. Plus there’s that whole prophecy theory circulating. Bronn, well, aside from the most quotable character on the show is just Bronn. Despite his closeness to Tyrion (which may just be his saving grace from death) he holds little value to Dany and they’re already doubting Tyrion’s commitment to the cause of vanquishing his sister. Bronn may have to be the example. I just hope he has a one line prepared for the situation.

Bet: $150

Cam: There’s a great piece over at Vox arguing that Bronn should have died in this episode — for all that the Loot Train Attack* was the first time we’ve had characters we were genuinely rooting for on both sides, it would have been a fitting reminder of the stakes of Game of Thrones if one of the show’s most beloved side-characters had been a casualty of it. Instead, Bronn came through in the clutch and put a large crossbow bolt in the chest of yet another character who’s heard of zig-zagging but is seemingly unable to internalize the concept. I think Bronn’s bought himself a reprieve of several episodes with his heroics, and this season seems intent on keeping its powder dry. If Bronn can survive staring down Drogon, he can survive for a few more episodes.

*God, what a stupid “official” name for a battle.

Jon Snow’s Independence

Cam: I’m keeping my bad betting on character deaths to a minimum so that the mob doesn’t break my knees, but this is as surefire a bet as any. We know from the trailer for the upcoming episode that there’s a large army of White Walkers and undead heading for Eastwatch by-the-sea, and we know from this past episode that Daenerys will require Jon to bend the knee as a condition of aiding him in the north. Jon’s likely to resist that for as long as possible, but at a certain point the threat of an icy apocalypse will break even the stubbornest of rulers. It could take the form of fealty and oaths; it could take the form of a political marriage in which one partner is kinda sullen and mopey and the other one has three fire-breathing dragons. Regardless, Jon Snow’s independence is likely to fare even worse than Bran Stark’s chill in the remainder of this season.

Bet: $100 on Jon bending the knee. Another $50 on there being a marriage involved.

Serge: Jon Snow does his best work in caves. He is a cave operator so to speak and his trip with Dany to the heart of Dragonstone is no different. The part where he led her through the cave was like a man escaping a drinking establishment with a lady he met in his eagle-like grasp, terrified he would lose her. It’s getting to the point where I need to do a thorough overview of George RR Martin’s family tree and see where this obsession with interfamily incesitiside is coming from. I think they’ve been telegraphing the marriage for two episodes now as it may be the only way to unite the North and the Dragonborn. I mean, I kind of get that Theon is in play, but Theon…?

Bet: $100 on the marriage

Tormund Giantsbane

Cam: This one hurts. It hurts so much. I don’t want Tormund Giantsbane to die — not when his beard is so magnificent, and certainly not when there’s a potential romance with Brienne of Tarth that needs to be dutifully shipped. But alas, the wildlings stationed at Eastwatch are hopelessly outmatched, and face the double burden of killing a seemingly endless army of undead who also happen to be their former friends, family, and tribesmen. Those would be long odds in a more charitable, fluffy fantasy universe, let alone one that has established misery, heartbreak, and death as the nice way to go. So on a plot level, Tormund doesn’t seem likely to survive what’s coming.

But on a narrative level, it also makes sense. Part of what made the early seasons of Game of Thrones so good was the sense that no one was safe — anyone, at any point, could well die (and did, in the case of four and a half Starks, six Baratheons, five Lannisters, two Martells, and all the Tyrells). For the conflict with the snowpocalypse to have meaning, there has to be a genuine feeling that the stakes matter. For that to happen, someone of importance has to die. I don’t enjoy writing this, but I think it has to be Tormund.

Bet: A $50 bill soaked in man-tears with a collection of Brienne-Tormund fanfics stapled to it.

Serge: It’s been a while since we’ve seen the Night King and judging by the previews, we’re going to see just a bit of him coming up. There’s a very interesting theory you shared with me about who he might end up being, and while I’m so into it, the theories for this show are getting more convoluted than the ending of lost. Hey, maybe we just all end up nuclea… I mean Dragon ash. The Night King means a big battle and a big battle means a significant death.

It kills me to agree with you but Tormund isn’t meant long for this world, I just have one faint hope that if Grey Worm can get some without having all the necessary biological parts required for getting some, Tormund can at least smell Brienne’s hair up close, soaked in blood, at the time of his death. Go out on a high so to speak. I’m ready for him to go, I’m just not ready for him to go without at least breaking the fifth grade school dance distance barrier.

Bet: $75

One of the Dragons

Serge: I don’t think it’s going to be by Qyburn because the whole “something we already have, but bigger” idea is preposterous on its basest level. Still, Bronn heroically stared down Drogon and lived to tell the tale (what is it with characters on this show and moving in straight lines). He also managed to pierce the wing of the creature (which I don’t get why the internet is mad, he didn’t shoot at the scales, he shot at the elastic flaps on either side that can’t be covered in scales because, well, aerodynamics. Bronn is smart) showing us it can be done. Also, remember that Dragonhorn is still in play and Euron is somewhere out there being crazy. For Dany’s conquest to have some sort of gravitas, someone next to her needs to die. It can’t be Missandei (too close to the queen), it won’t be Varys (too clever), it won’t be Tyrion (I’ll riot). It has to be one of her three “sons.”

Bet: $200

Cam: I wouldn’t rule out Varys’s life trajectory taking a turn for the end before this season is out,but I’m agreed on the necessary gravitas that a dragon’s death would provide. It would also resolve the “who rides the third dragon?” question by just eliminating the third dragon entirely. I’ve been on this train since our first death pool, and I’m staying on this train now.

Bet: double or nothing my previous bet.