The Miracle of Camp Nou
On the day that Barcelona needed Jesus they got Sergi Roberto instead and it still worked.
This is what the people during the time of Christ must have felt like when they saw him turn water into wine. Except this time, Barcelona turned fresh air into easily flammable materials and set the world on fire. Given the predictable nature of Matchday One, from Arsenal doing what Arsenal do and Arsenaling their way against Bayern Munich to Real Madrid putting their faith in the nearly celestial nature of Sergio Ramos scoring when they most need him, the results seemed pre-ordained. And then Barcelona went out and had their most “miss me with that fake shit” game of the year, season, decade… You pick one because my heart is still beating wildly in my chest.
Whatever the sacrificial ritual that took place in Spain this week, it propelled the Catalan club to the biggest comeback in Champion’s League history proving once and for all the good things do happen to bad people. The game went from “at least they’re going to exist with dignity” to “they might actually do this” to “yeah it’s probably over” to me rolling on the floor and speaking in tongues for about 15 since the planets decided to defy astronomy and align perfectly for the Spanish club to snatch the game out of PSG’s lethargic hands.
Now, say what you will about Barcelona (and I will), but this game encapsulated it every gnawing thing I hate about them outside of the fact that they’re too good. It’s also all the same reasons I dislike the Golden State Warriors enough to contemplate driving the Bay to follow Steph Curry and shout you ain’t shit at him for 3 days in regular people settings, like at the grocery store.
When you’re that good, you’re going to win more than you loose, but the problem is when that notion creeps in you also start to act like the world ain’t got shit on you when the world very much might have all kinds of shit on you. PSG showed that in the first leg, before combusting and deciding to sit on their aggregate lead instead of choking the life of their opponent. When PSG scored their away goal, I rightfully thought it was over, and so did Barcelona players. It’s like for a moment there they all became Arsenal players. There was no effort and both Suarez and Neymar went through all the stages of football grief from disappointment, to tantrum, to shitty tackles, to grappling with existential dread, to diving. That last one, incidentally got them back into the game and set up a cosmic unraveling of PSG.
Yes, I am indeed saying that Suarez took a nice little topple that cold have easily won the Oscars this year. But at the same time, PSG handed the game to Barcelona. Too often they chose to sit back and go with the path of least resistance. Barcelona didn’t outplay them technically, PSG just gave them the game they could have put away early. Every time they broke they looked dangerous, but they didn’t do it often enough. And so, here we are.
The rest of the UCL week has been utterly predictable from Sergio Ramos scoring when Real needed him to score most because his contract with the devil is still valid and he will keep doing it well into his late 30s and early 40s. Dortmund put in a shift with such intensity that they were pressing Benfica out in the outer parking spaces of the Westfalenstadion. Arsenal did the most Arsenal thing that Arsenal has ever Arsenaled, which is provide just enough hope to their supporters that a crushing defeat literally snatched the life out of every single Gooner on the planet and we are now walking shells of ourselves.
All in two days work.
For more please tune into the Kicking About podcast episode 018 available on Sound Cloud (and through the link above). Thanks for listening and we’ll see you next week!
