The NBA is back
And that is an amazing thing.
Last night basketball returned into our lives like a college girlfriend after 4 months traveling Europe. She seems more aloof, more sophisticated and appears to have picked up exceptional knowledge from her travels. Plus that one new thing she does in bed, who taught her that? (Yeezy taught her). She seems better in every conceivable way, but you can’t tell if it’s because you haven’t seen her in 4 months or if it’s a sign of some sort of spiritual growth. It doesn’t matter though, you are re-united.
With that somewhat cumbersome metaphor out of the way, it is time to delve into literally everything that has happened last night. Analyze it. Analyze it some more. Overreact to it. Overreact to it again. Crash down to Earth by the end of the week. But hey, let’s enjoy the high while it lasts.
The Era of New Big Men is Upon Us
Remember the position-less NBA revolution? The radical extinction event that rendered all big men obsolete to the regular observer and elevated the three point shot to the holy grail of NBA skills? Remember how it was the new normal trend and was absolutely never, ever, ever, ever, ever going away (tell that to camo pants)? Yeah, false alarm everyone, let’s go back now.
That is not to say that the pace and space is dead. It’s very well alive and breathing. It is the doom of the big man however that is severely exaggerated, much like Paul George’s three-point shooting ability by all Paul George fans (by all means not bad, definitely not mind blowingly amazing). The big man is a different species now. They’re mobile where they need to be, able to switch on the perimeter as well as patrol the paint with the diligence of a Russian soldier protecting the last drop of vodka. Oh, and some of them can shoot.
Joel Embiid made his debut to the tune of 20 points in 22 minutes, and while he still looked occasionally lost positionally, that will come in time. What’s more important is he tried to separate Steven Adams’ soul from his body every which way, including a few three point shots. Myles Turner turned Dallas inside out as he morphed into what appears to be a human pterodactyl on his way to what appears to be an alien stat line (he finished with 30 points, 16 boards, 2 steals and 4 blocks). And then there is Anthony Davis…
I don’t think the English language has come up with sufficient enough adjectives to describe not only the absurdity of his stat line, but also the variety of ways in which he basically turned into the demon from the exorcist en route to, and I’m going to italicize this so you know how important and absolutely out of this world bonkers insane to the point where your eyes should be rolling backwards into your head crazy it is, 50 points 16 rebounds 5 assists 7 steals and 4 blocked shots. That is not a stat line. Those are nuclear launch codes. He was one block away from a 50–5–5–5–5 game. Like, that’s your grandma’s Mac password because she hasn’t quite figured out how computer security works, not a basketball box score. Of course the Pelicans still lost because they are the Pelicans and Anthony Davis is basically dragging a cart with two wheels missing on it at this point. Anthony Davis is Sisyphus and the New Orleans rock is getting mighty heavy year to year. #FreeAD.
Okay, exhale.
Even the more establish big men were showing flashes of life. Jonas Valanciunas fueled the “this may be his year” conversation among Raptor fans yet again. Marc Gasol and Zach Randolph combined for 37 and 2–5 from three-point line (Z-Bo is taking three’s y’all). DeMarcus Cousins is still, well, the best center in the league on the worlds most dysfunctional franchise and yes that includes the Cleveland Browns. What I’m saying is, turn of the blaring siren, the big men are still here. They just look a little bit different, even when they look the same.
There Be Growing Pains
The Raptors and the Hornets know what they are. They have established their identity in the East behind unlikely leading men and a supporting cast that works hard and fulfills the requirements of the scheme their respective coaches have implemented. There is a certain definitive identity to each team. The Hornets are a collection of role-players constructed for optimal wing rotation efficiency and Kemba Walker. The Raptors are a two high-usage guard bastion of the contested long two and the unassisted triple with a gritty defensive pedigree. DeMar DeRozan dropped 40 without attempting a single three, which isn’t as much throwing out the book on modern basketball as it is collecting all of the copies of the book, burning them in a massive bonfire and then finding the author and throwing him into Guantanamo so he can’t write anymore. Kemba poured in a modest 17 with 8 assists to boot and the Hornets won based specifically off their rotating wing defenders and constructing a moat where the basket is and then putting Roy Hibbert and Cody Zeller into that moat with the directive of “hold the door!” What I’m saying is, both teams are comfortable with who they are and their respective ceilings this year (Raptors: possible Conference Finals Trip Again // Hornets: an embattled first round exit).
On the other hand, a bunch of teams entered the season not exactly knowing who they are or adjusting to off-season turmoil that threw internal metronomes out of whack. The Bucks had to integrate 7 new players into the rotation as well as introduce the metaphysical anomaly that is Point Giannis. With all due respect, the Greak Freak did admirably 31, 9 and 5 but the Bucks problems are deeply tied to the fact that no one on this team can’t shoot outside of the painted area. At this point, the prospect of a Bulls vs. Bucks game where they’re allowed to take nothing but threes is a game that ends 36–39 and that’s including OT. Not great.
The Thunder are still adjusting for life past Durant and much like all of us predicted, that means a whole lot of Russell Westbrook breaking down the barrier between humans and comic book heroes. The rest of the team will need to catch up, Victor Oladipo in particular, who in his defense did come alive briefly in the fourth to help OKC reclaim and hold on to the lead. Memphis is also undergoing slow metamorphosis from a bruising, bone breaking caterpillar that ain’t take no shit from no one into a beautiful and vibrant butterfly that is totally cool with the idea of taking 24 threes in a game (while making 11, which is dope). They fell behind to the YUNG WULVES early but managed to battle back proving that there is still place for their tough basketball as long as someone can shoot the J.
And Some Teams Will Adjust Just Fine
Boston opened the season vs. the Nets, which is weird and cruel way to throw shade at the Brooklyn franchise, and I respect the move by Adam Silver tremendously. It was a game at times less contested than the final score will suggest, but indicative that Brad Stevens had no problem integrating Al Horford into the match up. I don’t understand why people argue his game isn’t visually appealing. The man basically did it all for Boston with a series of pin-point passes, shots and dribbles that create an alternate dimension to an already efficient Boston offensive game. Oh, and he can move his feet defensively on the switch while protecting the rim, which is an important skill for a modern big.
The Heat weren’t supposed to be even remotely good. The karmic train that has been derailed over the past 10 years was supposed to catch up to Pat Riley and mow him off the tracks. Yeah, that’s not happening. Somehow. Goran Dragic looked… Actually good and performances from Johnson and Winslow demonstrated that that deal with the Devil is still in tact. While the fluid offense was somewhat surprising, it’s the defense that anchored this unit, something we knew would happen given the personnel.
Whiteside was good too. Despite some fears that he might go into 2k rating hibernation being given a huge contract and an 88 rating in-game he actually showed up, casually swallowed up rebounds and even took a few jumpers establishing himself as the centerpiece of this team. He also took Elfrid Payton’s soul, put it into a basketball shaped container and then erased it from this plane of existence entirely.
What’s Defense?
On the final game of the night (THE LAKERS ARE FUN AGAIN!) the Lakers squared off against a D’Antoni Rockets squad that is basically James Harden on steroids. Some defense was played (not a whole lot), but what was really on showcase are the two new teams running to new systems.
Under D’Antoni, there is always potential for maximum Harden. He went for 34 points with 17 assists, directing the new offense expertly. This kind of display is vintage Beard and sets the precedent for the rest of the season. Without Dwight Howard doing Dwight Howard things in the post (which mostly includes not moving a whole lot and just occupying space with no purpose) the Rockets are able to move both the ball and players around to create copious operational space for their newly minted point guard. That of course all went to hell when the rest of the team got replaced with stationary cardboard cutouts of themselves in the 4th quarter, but the signs are there.
The Lakers on the other hand are in the midst of a Coach Dude Luke Walton revolution. Having played the bulk of their NBA careers with Kobe Bryant, D’Angelo Russell, Jordan Clarkson and Julius Randle are once again discovering what the soft, leathery grip of a basketball feels like against the youthful palms of their hands. And it felt good. The ball movement, while not perfect, was present, often utilizing Julius Randle as a point forward to deliver crisp passes and they attempted 35 threes, which under Byron Scott was a crime for which you were stripped naked and paraded around the street with passers by lobbing stones at you from roughly the distance of a NBA long-two. Things won’t go as smooth when there is at least a semblance of defensive resistance (read: against anyone that isn’t the Rockets), but a win in their first game in the post Kobe era is an encouraging sign, even though Jack Nicholson seemed less than impressed.
Overall. Rejoice. The NBA is back. And Laker fans are not at all overreacting.
Barber: What you want?
Beasley: You know how in the first Avengers there’s this robot half eel half caterpillar?
Barber: Say no more fam.
